Dear Unknown

Chapter 2 - Now

Chapter 2

~Now~

One year has passed. One year and by now I should've been prepared. But I am not prepared. Not in the slightest. And I am never going to be prepared for this. For seeing him. Just the thought of Caleb entering my life once again even the sight of him makes me want to puke. Just when I think about him-

I hate it. After what he has done I hate it that he's getting a reaction like this instead of the indifference he deserves. Yes, he deserves not even the anger and hate. He deserves nothing for that matter. But despite those facts I can't help but feel all of this. The anger and hate and betrayal and sadness and desperation to know just the answer of the simple question why.

In this one year I asked this myself so often. But I never get an answer. Because all the answers never make a sense. They never make a sense because I try to make them as harmless as possible for me to endure. But the problem is there is no such an answer. There is no answer that's not hard to endure. And all this time there was this one sentence that's stuck in my brain. And a part of me always knew -still does- that that answer is the right one. But I just don't want it to be true. So I ignore it. But right now it threatens to break free from the cage I formed in my head and it hurts. It hurts so damn much. And I hate him more and more for this. I hate him because I still can't move on. I hate him because I can't forget. I hate him because he's stuck in my brain and for a reason I can't get him out of my mind. But there is one thing I hate myself for more than I could ever hate him.

And this thing is simply the fact that I trusted him. I trusted him with all I had. I trusted him so much that I fell in love with him. And every time I ask myself how I could've let my guard down so easily. What made him different from everyone else I normally blocked out? Stupid. I was so stupid and now I have to take the consequences.

"Heath?"

I open my eyes. Not even noticing that they were closed in the first place. Yes, that happens a lot lastly.

I look up from the piano keys. A pained smile forms on my face at the sight of a concerned Mac approaching me. My hands fall to my sides. Ashamed I look back down at my lap. He caught me again. Like this. Completely devastated. And I hate to disappoint him over and over and over again but I can't help it. As long as he's with me I at least have the strength to pretend. But the second he's gone I am back to my real self. The one that's weak and broken and completely unfixable.

Before he transferred to my high school months ago everything was worse. I was worse. I wouldn't speak to anyone. When I was in school I would lock myself into this music room. Without playing anything at all.

And then this one guy came as a new student to my school and apparently I wasn't as invisible as I thought I was because on his first day he came straight to me. Of course he immediately recognized me as the famous Heather Morton who abruptly quitted her career without a reason and chose to disappear once and for all. But instead of treating me like that girl he treated me like just another normal girl. And for that I am so grateful. I have no idea what would've happened if Mac hadn't entered my life. But a tiny part of me wishes I would've never entered his life. He wouldn't have to deal with my mood. He wouldn't have to deal with the fact that I'll never be able to trust him entirely the way he deserves to be trusted.

"Don't," he whispers, coming closer with every step and finally stopping when there’s just one step separating us. He puts one hand under my chin, tilting it up so he can see my face clearly. At the sight of my tears he takes yet another step and stands right in front of me, pressing his body against mine. I stand perfectly still. Actually I want to push him away because he's just too close. It makes me slightly uncomfortable but I don't let him know that. I owe him that much.