Bitter

Chapter 1

Worthless. Nothing matters anymore. Who would care about me? No one. That's why I'm like this. I'm short, I'm fit yet chubby, my mum beats me and my sister. What did I ever do? Be born? Why'd she have us then.

 "Louis don't ignore your mother!" she slurred at me.

 "Get off." I said pushing her forcing body away from me.

 Every damn night. She's a drunk, an abusive drunk. What did I ever do.  

The pain began throbbing on the side of my face from the handprint she had just marked me with. 

"D-don't push me e-ver agggggaain." she slurred at me. I was disgusted at her. Disgusted with the woman who I should think is the most beautiful thing alive, but no. My mum is a cold, rude soul.

 I trotted up the stairs to my room. Dark and cold. How wonderful. it's just like me. it's colourful, but my mum won't give me a new light bulb for the lamp stand. So my room must hide. It must hide its navy blue and white walls. Its cherry wood bookshelf, the guitar tucked away into the corner that hasn't been played in months because she would scream at me for the ruckus.

 They say rooms reflect you. My room sure as hell does. I'm 18. 18 and bitter. 

There was a time when I knew what happiness was. I felt it everyday. I never knew what it was like to feel sad. Not loose your favourite trousers sad, an empty sad. An angry sad, a lost sad. So instead of crying everyday, I just cut emotions off. I became cold, I became bitter. Mum doesn't make it any better. She won't pay for anything me and Gina need. It's all on me. The bills, the food, insurance. You name it I have to take care of it.

 "Lou?" I heard my 13 year old Gina scared voice shake through the door.

 "Come in."

 She ran in and locked the door. She ran over to me and tackled me to my back, laying flat on the bed. She curled into a ball on my torso and sobbed.

 "Make her stop Louis make her stop." she whispered.

 "Shh baby shh. One more year, just one." I cooed to her.

 I have alwasy thought of the outcome of Gina's future. I couldn't just leave her here with that poor excuse of a mother. Things should not be like this for Gina and I. We never did anything to her. Not one thing. She claims the divorce with herself and my father is our fault. Which it clearly is not. He left her because of just this, and he did not bother to even try to take cosdody of us.

"But Louis look!" she sat up and pulled the sleeve of her right arm down, exposing her fair skin to me, "she burned me. Again. It hurts Louis, it hurts." she cried harder as she dabbed the sore burn on her shoulder.

"Cm'ere, shh. Let's go fix it up okay?" I hushed her.

She nodded hesitantly and stood up. I made her wait in the doorway to see if my mum had fallen asleep yet. She usually does around this time. She has. I sighed in relief as I called Gina over to me into the bathroom.

She sat on the toilet while I pulled out the baby blue washcloth, the soap and rubbing alchohol and the gauze and band-aids.

"Louis... that gonna hurt." she whined.

"Do you want them to get infected?"

She shook her head and exposed the burns to me again.

"Bite on this," I said handing her a towel, "1..2..3.. sorry princess."

I pushed the cotton ball of alcohol onto the wounds. She cried into the towel and slapped my biceps to make me stop. But I couldnt afford her getting an infection then having to pay medical bills for medicines.

"Look, all done." I said kissing her forehead.

I wet the wash cloth and dabbed them onto the burns. She winced when I put the healing meds onto them. I covered them with gauze and held them in place with band-aids.

"Hop in bed babe, I'll lock your door." I said.

"No you cant go tonight! Shes out of control Louis! Shes gonna find her way in!" she chreeeched.

"Shes asleep Gina. Ill lock your door. Im going to paint for a half hour. You have my number." I said shooing her into her room, kissing her forehead and locking her door.

I sighed as I walked back into my dimmed room, turned to the rack on the wall and pulled the light denim jacket down from the hook. I slid it onto my chilly body and exited the hell I called home. I hopped into my car and drove to my venue. It wasnt anythine special, it wasnt fantastic or expensive looking. It was an old barn. Dark wood and scattered hay lay across the floor. The barn was the most comforting place I could ever go. I came here every night. Its almost like a safe haven to me.

I can be me here. Without the worrry of my mum ripping or trashing my paintings. I arrived at the barn and stepped inside. The few hanging lights flickered until they held a full on glow. I smiled as I saw my half finished painting of Bob Marley placed right in the center of it all. Almost like it was a spotlight hanging in its glory.

Ive been taking my time on this painting. I want it to be a known peice someday. I looked around at the other scattered works. They were all bright and beautiful. All nature scenes and famous people. Gina always asks to come down. I tell her no because Id like to finish the painting of him first.

I smiled as I walked over the the half finished masterpiece. Picking up the brush and opening the caps to the paint, I dove right in. My paint brush, gliding, swooshing and dabbing all over the bare half of the canvas. I bit my lip in concentration as the picture was pulled together. 15 minutes later, I stepped back. The back of my hand met my forehead to wipe the sweat off.

I smiled in admiration at the painting. It was perfect. Better than i thought it would come out. I wish I could tell someone about this. But who listens to me? No one. Im not really a person to have friends. Only aqantinces. I get bullied thats for sure. Fag boy, faggot, flamer the names shouted at me in the hallway are unbearable. But Im none of those things at all. Sure how I dress may come off as a bit flamboyaunt, but Im straight.

Sighing, I turned off the barns light and proceeded to my car. The dirve home was always an adventure. Sometimes I would stop for tea, or I would just sit and watch the sky for a moment or two. It was always something different. My phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Louis shes up! Shes awake shes angry Louis hurry!" Ginas tiny voice quivered itno the phone.

I sighed as my speed became faster . Panic set into my mind as I wondered what my mother will do to me for not being home. My fingers raked through my light brown fringe as I shakily sped down the dirt road.

Horns went off as I saw the bright lights of an 18 wheeler comming straight at me.