Help! I'm Having Twins With Harry Styles! But I Hate Him! Don't I?

Backstages Passes to Heavenly Boy Band Hotness

It wriggled and jiggled and writhed inside me like a fearsome ancient wyrm having feasted upon too many small children hopped up on red cordial. I couldn't believe that I had serendipitously won back stage passes to the sold out concert for the hottest new and entirely not auto-tuned, airbrushed or post produced boy band of the millennium!

"SQUEEEE!" I squealed, and Mum stuck her head back into the medicine cabinet in search of the Ritalin.

She didn't understand, but One Direction were simply all there was to talk about, all there would EVER be to talk about. Seriously, if their only concert this year out of the hundreds of concerts they would play in their surely lengthy careers was to fall during my final exams at school, I would totally ditch and throw away my future.
 No question.

Pffft, what do adults know about what's important in life?

"SQUEEEE!"

"Honey," Mum said, "if I have to sedate you again this week, the pharmacy is going to start asking questions about all these repeat scripts."

"Muuuuuum," I droned, rolling my eyes to her, "you just don't get it because you're old."

She is old by the by, forty-four going on a bazillion and three. 
Me, I'm seventeen and a bit self conscious about my entirely average looks. My hair is long, straight and mousy brown and my blemish free skin is too pale, but my friends say that I could be really pretty if I didn't squint so much reading all the time.

"Forget books!" I yelled with excessive and totally unnecessary volume into my pink bumper-cover encased iPhone 5, which my wealthy but emotionally vacuous part time father gave me for my birthday last month.

I wanted a blue one; Dad is such an insensitive jerk.
"What are you talking about?" Alexys-Marye-Siobhan exclaimed, somewhere across the neighbourhood sprawled provocatively on her four-poster bed in front of her webcam wearing just My Little Pony panties.

"I just got two back stage passes to the last One Direction concert!!" I declared, adding an additional exclamation point on the end just to ensure that she understood the monumental triumph of my recent acquisition.

"OMG LOL ROFL WTF?!" Alexys-Marye-Siobhan shrieked. "I'm totes your BFF right?"

"Well you're the only one who didn't sext Blake when we were going out, so right now you're my BFF," I explained, and I could have sworn I heard a beep, like someone deactivating a webstream: probably nothing. "You're totally coming with me."

"Oh, my, God," Alexys-Marye-Siobhan hissed. "Niall has the most dreamy eyes, and Zayn with his tight little ass..."

I was about to join in her enthusiasm when the sound of heavy breathing down the line kind of interrupted my train of thought.

"Um?" I prompted.

"Sorry!" Alexys-Marye-Siobhan gasped. "Hyper… ventilating…"

"Well I agree that Niall is absolutely gorgeous, but I think that Louis is the hottest."

"Are you kidding me?!" Alexys-Marye-Siobhan scoffed. "Harry Styles is hands down the cutest of them all!"

"Ugh!" I grunted in disgust, fiddling with the photographing ranking system of boy band members that I had stuck to the wall of my bedroom. "But he's such a jerk with his pretty green eyes and charming smile and perfect body. Who does he think he is?"

"Who cares who he thinks HE is," Alexys-Marye-Siobhan snorted. "When we meet him back stage, it only matters who he thinks I am!"

"Pfft, well you can have him, and I'll have the others."

"Deal!"

"SQUEEE!" I squealed.

"SQUEEE!" Alexys-Marye-Siobhan echoed.

Little did I know, that in less than a week, I would be embroiled in a vapidly passionate love hate relationship with Harry Styles, and impregnated with his vampire-demon twins.