when was the first time,
you opened the doors,
to happiness?
「 choo taehwa
when i was 6 years old
i weighed about 17 kg 」
perhaps for me,
it was the day,
when i was six.
dear diary,
we were having math today. math was fun, if it was taught without dots or numbers, or just simply no math at all. the teacher weighed us, same goes with measuring our heights. i was the heaviest amongst the girls. boys never liked me, because they liked girls who have long, straight hair with slim bodies. i wasn't like that. they laughed, and laughed, and laughed. i didn't want to go home, it was unexceptionally embarrassing. i climbed the stairs, up to whatever's awaiting me from the top. i was tired on the 5th step already, so i wailed more. after the limitless amount of stairs, a bridge laid across the road. it connected the path earlier with a fancy shop on the other side. the shop had flowers grown all around the compound, and the door had bells, not the mechanical ones. i saw cakes. they were glowing, the cream was smooth and shaped perfectly, even a cake is prettier than me. i ran, but ended up hitting the transparent door. it hurt, a lot, and i cried even more. i hated the world. but a man opened the door and asked if i was alright. he shared a similar figure of a prince, wearing shining armor. he told me, if I ate one of his cakes, I'll stop crying, and I'll be the happiest girl in the world. and he was right.
at that moment,
i made up my mind.
i will become
the daughter-in-law
of a cake shop !
but when i made that decision,
i was destined to become fat.
kids wrote words like,
ugly pig, fat whale
on my school bag.
loosing weight was hard.
being the daughter of a father
who fries the best pork cutlets
in the town
and being the daughter of a mother
who makes the best dishes
in the town.
i loved cakes, and because
of my love for cakes
once i take a mouthful,
i can't control myself
but to eat even more,
and more,
and more.
and everyday,
i came to know
that there is nothing else
that makes me happy
except for eating.
「 choo taehwa
when i was 10 years old,
i weighed about 48 kg 」
this sustained five years on.
i moved to an all girls school
where i thought avoiding boys
was a better choice
but it wasn't.
in middle school,
i was very much laughed at
for being fat.
and i also had
this excessive mentality
of doing things
to please other people.
「 choo taehwa
when i was 15 years old
i weighed about 62 kg 」
i wanted to loose weight.
i wanted to be pretty.
so i joined the softball club
where i could pretty much exercise
and have fun at the same time.
softball isn't as easy as it looks.
a sport is still a sport.
accurate mentality and physicality
is essential.
so food is practically consumed
in very large amounts.
「 choo taehwa
when i was 18 years old
i weighed about 70 kg 」
choo taehwa.
a girl who was born
with an overweighted figure.
choo taehwa.
a girl who wants
to be loved.
choo taehwa.
a girl who wants
to be beautiful.
choo taehwa.
a girl who wants
to be happy.
