Years Of Wonder

Chapter 5: Funeral

Friday. We, my family, were preparing for Brian's funeral in the Parker's house.

"You take the ham honey.. I'll just put some ice cubes on this jello salad." my mom said as she handed me the cold ham.

"Come on Olivia, let's just go. We got the ham, we don't need to bring the jello too." my dad said, looking tired of waiting. We've been ready for minutes and only that jello kept us staying.

"5 minutes, just give me 5 minutes." The rest of us had other ways of dealing with our grief.. But I for one was a wreck! As I walked back and forth, I would think about Brian and I'd feel almost sick to my stomach,..and then I would think about Gwen and get through what had passed to my 12-year-old body like the wind through the trees. Life's two greatest forces,.. love and death were tearing me apart.. I couldn't wait to leave.

"COME ON MOM LET'S GO!!!" woah, did I really yell that? All of them were caught off guard. My mom even stopped putting ice cubes and looked at me... And even I was shocked. All of us didn't see that coming. Was I really that in love with Gwen that I didn't know what I was doing, I just think and think and think about her?... So we just ignored it eventually like nothing happened and then finally, we already left for the funeral.

---

Here we were at Brian's funeral. It was still hard to believe for me. Brian Parker was the first person I ever knew who wasn't old and died.. I guess we all have that moment, where we realize that even somebody who's basically a kid can seize to exist.

But it wasn't just Brian's death that had changed me... It's also Brian's sister.

I hadn't seen Gwen since the night we kissed in the woods but I hadn't able to think about anything else. Here I am looking around and Gwen was nowhere to be seen in their own home. I felt so weird though, I mean what was I gonna do if I saw her?..

And then, it happened...

"Adam, take this sandwich to Gwen and try to get her to eat something. She's right outside... She really needs her old friends right now." my mom requested, so I went outside.

She was standing there, completely alone on their front yard... I guess she was reminiscing those memories she had with her brother,.. they were really close. So I stood beside her.

"Hi."

"Hi." she smiled a little.

"Hi. um, what are you doing out here?"

"Nothing. I was just getting some air."

"Oh, my mom wanted me to give this to you." I handed her the sandwich.

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry."

"Yeah...but you should eat though." She was forced to take the sandwich anyway.

"Um, you wanna go inside?"

"Okay."

As we got inside their house, we sat on their floral couch next to the table which was filled with their framed family pictures under the lamp... There's mr. and mrs. Parker,..there's Gwen, and ofcourse,... Brian.

Gwen was so close to me I wanted to grab her, take her in my arms, and feel her 73 pound body next to mine... But as I watched her eat that sandwich, I thought to myself, how could I have this feelings?!.. We were surrounded by Gwen's relatives. Did it show? What if people could see through me, what would they think?!..

...What would Brian think?

As I thought of that, I began to imagine Brian standing in front of me, talking to me right at that moment... And only I can see him.

"So, you're at my funeral and all you can think about is my little sister..." Ofcourse, he would think I was scum.. As I saw Brian's soul before my eyes, I began to feel my conscience.

"...You're a man after my own heart." he smiled.

Wait a minute that's right! Brian wasn't like that, he would never think such a thing.. Yep, I was a man after his own heart.

"But Adam..., Adam not now... Just give her a little time." I looked away and thought of something for a minute but when I looked back at him, he was gone... Brian was right, I should make Gwen adjust first.

---

That Friday night, I went to bed early...

Laying there, lights turned off, both of my hands at the back of my head, staring at the ceiling,.. and as usual these past few days, thinking about Gwen... couldn't wait to see her the next day.

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