Beans

Chapter 1

Why did they name me Beans?

   Why not Livingston? Or Marley? Or Fluffy, for God's sake? Nope, they had to name me after flavorless, flatulence-inducing little fruits. You know what my neighbor is named? Steven. He has a name that wouldn't be unusual to hear at the office, meanwhile I am a stable source of protein for those god-awful vegans. I mean, if God didn't want us to eat tunafish then he shouldn'ta made them taste like chicken. And what's even worse is when those vegans make us partake in their sad, meatless ways, and feed us all-natural soy kibble fortified with vitamin A. I'm an animal, woman! You think I grew these big-ass teeth so I could viciously tear apart vegetables?!

     Alright, let's get this over with. My name is Beans, in case your futile human mind has not grasped that yet. I am a cat. I would say I'm pleased to meet you but I'm not one for lying.

    When I was born, my mother gave birth to me. Seriously, there's not that much to tell. The interesting stuff happened when I was about 8 weeks old. I know, so cute, a little baby 8-week-old kitty. Nah, I was an ugly little thing. Pushed-up nose and brown matted fur, and this weird protruding butt hole. Like my asshole stuck out from my butt. I told you, I was an ugly little thing.

   Anyway, when I was 8 weeks old, I was taken to the vet for the shots that every good little kitty gets. That tobacco-scented Satan of a vet held me down and stuck me with a pointy metal rod right in the flank. Boy, the nerve he had to take an innocent little cat and put him through a whole second of hell, a helpless little creature like me, filling me with unnatural, ungodly liquids that Mother Nature would never approve of. A whole second! And I, the helpless kitten, went absolutely ballistic on this guy. I climbed up his arm with my ninja skills, gashing his face mercilessly with my deadly talons, and almost taking a chunk out of his shoulder with my razor-sharp feline teeth. At least this is how I remember it. Mom says I started jumping around and swatting at the air, but I think she was just too stunned to remember all of my fighting glory.

The anger that swelled up in my head was unimaginable– my vision turned red, my lips curled up to my eyes, the fur on my back stood on its very end. But as I watched my brothers and sisters receive their unholy stabbings, they merely winced as the needle pierced their skin. One of them even purred. I wondered in astonishment, didn't they want to kill this guy? Rip his intestines out and wrap them around his neck, watching him being strangled by his own innards, whilst his life-giving blood gushed out in front of him? This baffled me, my own sibling's unperturbed disposition. I was confused, and deep inside, I felt like I was different. 

Well... To be continued...