Can I Still Get Into Heaven If I Kill Myself

Can I Still Get Into Heaven If I Kill Myself Chapter 1

My head was throbbing as I woke from the unconscious state I had been in for who knows how long. I lifted my head slowly and looked around the room to see where I was, I was in a hospital. Did I have an accident? Did someone hurt me? Wait, who am I?! I tried to recall what happened but the last thing I can remember is talking to Rosé on the phone and then my mind goes blank. That's all I remember, Rose, but not even my own name?

I sat myself up, and noticed a bandage wrapped around my left and right wrist. There was a red patch on the bandages, I know what happened, I didn't have an accident and no one hurt me, I hurt myself. I still don't remember doing it or why I did it, all I remember is Rosé. I know I had to get in contact with her so I can find out what happened.

A lady walked in, she's wearing a white outfit, she's a nurse. She came over to me and asked, 'How are you feeling?'

All I could reply with was, 'Sore.'

She had a worrying look on my face, she spoke with a soft tone as if not to scare me. She began, 'I see you're good to sit up, but how's everything else?'

I answered with a quiver in my voice, 'Umm...why am I here? What happened? Who am I?'

She looked really concerned and just told me to wait a second as she got the doctor. I sat there for half an hour, thinking alot. Why did she seem so concerned? Did I say something wrong? How did I do this too myself? I looked at the bandages again and noticed my arms, they were covered in white lines that went in every direction. The scars went from the bandages all the way up, past my elbow up to my shoulder. I felt like screaming and yelling, but I couldn't. How could I do this to myself? Mutilate my own body? I looked at my legs, they were covered too, also my thighs and stomach. There was no part of my body that didnt have these white lines, but the longer I looked the more I saw the beauty in them. The perfect white shinning through the rough darkened skin from the tanning of the sun, Im not really dark just the sun tanned me a bit and it made the white lines stand out like a clown in a business room.

I ran my hand along them, feeling the bumps all over.

The lady returned with a tall, handsome man in a long white coat. He gave me one look then turned to the nurse and told her to leave us alone so he could talk to me. She left and he came and sat in the chair next to my bed.

He gave me a weird look and then he informed me, 'Hello Hayley, I'm doctor Timmons by what I hear, you have lost you're memory due to the concussion and we will help you in anyway to get it back.'

I sat there with the name Hayley running through my head and I could tell he knew what I was thinking. He asked, 'Do you remember anything about that night, or even about you?'

I sat there with a blank expression trying to remember anything, anything at all but all that was in my head was Rosé, so I answered with a mumbled croak, 'Rose, all I remember is being on the phone to Rosé and everything else is gone.'

Everything felt so over whelming, I stared straight ahead to the window right in front of me, I felt a tear roll down the side of my face. I didn't bother whipping it away, I let it roll all the way down, over my cheak and then down my neck till it reach the collar of the white dressing gown that the hospital patients wear. I had never seen one before, I had never actually been in a hospital other then when I was born. I don't even remember growing up, I don't even remember my own birthday.

I was still staring straight ahead, everything was silent then I heard the Dr murmur something, 'Your friend told me you like the nature, so we sat you by the window. Do you like it?'

I turned to him and before I began to speak I noticed something behind him. I hadn't seen it before, well from what I remember which isn't very much. It was staring at me, but I couldn't make out what it was, it was just a black out line of a person standing there and the only features I could make out where the two bright green eyes staring at me. It looked like it was sad, it's like I felt the emotion, like I was staring at myself. I then heard a voice, 'Hayley, Hayley! Are you alright?'