The doctor says I’m healthy, almost underweight
Why then do I regret everything that I ate?
My legs are getting smaller, my stomach thinner still
But all I see is fat and it makes me feel ill.
They say I’m losing weight, thinner every day
I just don’t understand these lies that they all say.
Among my friends I’m the fat one, that’s why they call me thin
They think they’re being nice, making me think that I fit in.
Everyone must think I’m blind, but I see what I am
Big and fat and flabby and gross, that’s all that I am.
Seeing people eat and eat, I just don’t understand
How they stay so pretty and perfect, but me? I somehow can’t.
I’ll cut down my eating to nearly nothing at all
But I’m still not skinny although the numbers fall.
I no longer notice the pains of hunger; I think there’s nothing wrong
Then I collapsed, malnourished and weak; yet somehow I think I am strong.
I deserve what I get, yes, no eating for me
But when I look in the mirror, what do I see?
Huge and fat and ugly as always, but my clothes seem so loose
All my fat must have stretched them, have my efforts gone to no use?
I starve myself and try to purge, but where’s the good in that?
No matter what I do, I know I’ll always be fat.
But then I heard a song telling me I’m not alone
“Mirror lie to me” says the song called Skin and Bones.
This song made me see how serious my problem was
But I knew it would get better, somehow it always does.
Recovery is long and hard, a journey I’m still making
But I feel myself getting healthier with each bite I’m taking.
I’ve come so far but I still have days where I slip back into the past
But I breathe in deep and sing that song and I’m eating again at last.
So my thanks go out to Josh, Matt, Mike and Ian
For without that song I have no idea what trouble I would be in.
