I Mustache You For An Apocalypse

Facial Hair Extinct?

Every mustache was "killed" within 2 days. Since Kyla and I were the heroes to all of this, we got $1,000 each because we survived many, many injuries. Who would've thought that mustaches could hurt people? I wouldn't have thought that the squirrel above the lip would be harsh little things. So now we lay peacefully in my room just watching YouTube on my laptop. We were watching try not to laugh or grin challenges when I got a text-message on my laptop. Why a text-message on my laptop? I thought. I'm pretty sure Kyla wondered the same thing. I glanced at her and she just gave me the hand motion of go on. I opened a new tab to messages and the note read,
Congratulations! You have extinct all of the mustache meanies! However, now that the vicious mustaches are extinct, we do not want this to come up again. So we are banning facial hair (beards and mustaches) from everyone so that there is not another crisis like this has been. Thank you for saving us Lainie Tulley and Kyla Fava!
Best wishes from Governor Swizzy!
"Ummm.... Ok.... So what do we do we do since it's illegal to have a beard and/or mustache? Cause, now, it's basically our faults. People will look at us not only as saving them from this weird problem, but also with disgust of no being their true selves to have there own look that shows there personality. This is not a great position for both of us!" Kyla was stressing this. I really don't blame her, actually. I tried my hardest to hide all my emotions back where we hid from the mustaches at that car dealership, where I would never go again. When we read that message I had choked back this humongous sob. Do you know how many guys at my school have facial hair, and now they're forced to get rid of it. Kyla and I weren't popular anyway but, well now be considered a piece of poop. No one wants to be by poop. It's, for one thing, disgusting. It stinks. I wouldn't want to be by it. And now we will be the queens of all poop, which is not an honor. Yay.