The Science of Starting Again//Book Five

Chapter 1~ London Calling

Teddy's P.O.V

For me, it was a case of deja vu.

Here I was, standing in the same airport having just returned from a lengthy time away. I was older (thirty, ugh). Smarter. Hiding secrets. Just as I had all those years ago when I first returned to the Motherland, my home country. Of course, there were some differences. For instance, the secrets I was hiding this time were ones I actually knew, not ones I had purposefully forgotten. Although I knew I could delete them from memory if I was truly desperate. However, I never would. It wouldn't be fair.

Another difference would be the fact that I no longer had my beloved trench coat. My darling leather trench had sadly moved on into trench Heaven while I was in America, far too early and before its time. It's quite amazing how much an article of clothing can become a part of you. The first few weeks without the trench was strange. I felt as though I was walking around naked. However, I soon came to find a new signature article of clothing. Replacing my faithful trench was a dark brown leather jacket that I had acquired only a few weeks earlier. Although a little roomy, it was warm and comforting. Also, the room it had meant that I could hide liquor inside it.

Then there was the company. When I had first arrived back to London all those years ago I had come alone. This time, though, I had a friend. He sat inside a cat carrier on top of my luggage, peering through the bars as I pushed my things through the airport, heading towards the exit. Inside, the grey male scratched at his confinements, meowing pitifully, wishing to be released from his prison.

"Soon," I murmured, letting out a small sigh as I walked past the airport's shops. Most of them were closed as it was the middle of the night, their windows dark and acting as mirrors. I caught my reflection from the corner of my eyes: Messy brown curls that hadn't been cut in awhile, a thinner figure than last time I had lived in London, paler skin. A visible limp that wasn't psychosomatic. In my mind I saw what lay beneath my clothing: scars, bruises, burns. Blood. So much blood, too much blood, and it hurts, it always hurts and it's always too much too much too-

I came to a stop, my breathing uneven as I pulled myself out of my mind and back into the present. My legs were trembling, especially the injured right one, so I crouched down in the middle of the airport, allowing myself a few seconds to pull myself back together. During my time in America I had a psychiatrist. He wasn't a bad fellow, but he kept trying to tell me that what I suffered from was normal and that- instead of pretending it never happened and that it didn't exist- I should talk about it. Very rarely do I follow other people's advice. However, some of the tips he gave me to overcome moments like these were quite useful. After saying the Greek alphabet failed to work with all the flashbacks from my time away with Sherly, he had suggested a new method: Listing the things I saw. Although at first I had thought it stupid, I found that it forced me to concentrate on things around me instead of the flashbacks.
With large lungfuls of oxygen I stared at everything around me, taking it all in.

Colours: White, black, navy blue, wood brown. Sounds: Lady speaking over intercom, passenger Marvin Hall has to go to gate twenty-five right away or else they'll leave without him. The scraping of a chair. Cat mewls. People: A couple, both females. One woman is wearing designer jeans while the other is wearing a black dress. They're rich and heading off on holiday. They're in love. A man with his daughter. The daughter is asleep and the man looks like he's ready to drop too. They're running away from a mother and wife who doesn't love them anymore. Although he's technically kidnapping the girl, who am I to stop him? Place: Airport. London. England. Home. Home. Safe. Okay.

Once my breathing had evened out and my heartbeat had slowed I straightened up slowly, avoiding eye contact with the shop windows. Hurrying along I reached inside my leather jacket and pulled out a flask. Although the listing had helped, I never felt truly at peace until I could feel the burning sensation of alcohol in my system.

Outside the London air was crisp and cold, the sky dark save for the red flashes coming from the wings of planes high above. The change in temperature made me shiver and I pulled the collar of my jacket up in an attempt to keep the cold at bay. Although it was now Spring, you could still feel Winter's fading grip in the air. Inside the cat carrier there came another round of mewls.

"Dmitri," I groaned, putting the half-empty flask back inside my jacket before sticking the tips of my fingers inside the carrier. I felt his head rub against them, his mewls dying down and being replaced by loud purrs.

As I had said earlier, it was a case of deja vu, and for me, a case of deja vu wouldn't be complete without an appearance from a certain someone.

Just as he had done all those years ago, he stood beside a black car awaiting my arrival. I spotted him before he saw me so I took this moment to take in him. I hadn't seen him for nearly three years and yet he still looked the same: tall, long nose, an air of upper-class government official-ness around him. The only difference seemed to be that he had gotten slightly skinnier. I smiled to myself when I noticed this, feeling a sense of sibling pride for him. It was nice to see that someone was achieving their goals in life. At the moment I only had one: get back into society without fucking up. I hadn't managed to achieve that goal in America so I had to see if I could do it here.

He walked forward to meet me when he spotted me, umbrella in hand as per usual even though there were barely any clouds in the sky. I nodded, smile gone now, and stopped the trolley a few steps away from him before speaking.

"Diet seems to be going well," I said, leaning forward against the trolley to take some weight off my right leg. His smile was tight and his eyes weary when I had a better look at him, but his posture was relaxed which meant that whatever was worrying him wasn't a physical threat, more an emotional or mental one. I couldn't help but wonder whether or not he could smell the alcohol in my breath from this distance.

"Anthea has been helping," he replied, closing the space between us to pat me on the arm, a gesture of welcome in his own awkward style. "It has been a while, hasn't it, Thea?"

"Still Teddy, thanks," I muttered, walking around and beginning to unload my luggage. No sooner had I begun had a man come along to take over the job for me, loading my suitcases into the car. There was a slight hesitation when it came to Dmitri but I took the carrier in my arms and said he could sit on my lap. Mycroft frowned slightly at this- obviously not expecting the cat- but he didn't say anything until we were in the car and pulling away from the curb.

"I thought you preferred dogs to cats."

"That's Sherlock, I like both equally," I replied, scratching Dmitri through the bars of his cage. Mycroft stared at me for a moment before looking down at my right leg and speaking.

"And the leg?"

"Injury," I answered. "Long story short, I got burnt."

Mycroft probably noticed my stiffness at the question because after that he didn't ask anything else. I took this silence to stare out the window, watching my London pass me by. Nothing had changed in my nearly three year absence, which made me worry. If the world hadn't changed then that meant that I had. This thought was even more confirmed with Mycroft's hawk eyes on me, as though he was trying to tell me just with his eyes that I had changed.

I know I have, I wanted to say. You would've too, had you seen what I had. Just because Sherlock could handle it- or at least make people think that he could- doesn't mean that I could. And you weren't even there to experience America. You don't know. That kind of stuff can change a woman.

And I had most certainly changed. That Teddy Holmes from three years ago was gone, or at least for now lost. Whether she would come back I couldn't say, but for now all I wanted to do was try and find myself a place in this new and foreign world that I did not understand.

Author Note: hi guys! Well, the next chapter in Teddy's life has offically begun! I hope you guys are liking it so far! Next update will be on Saturday :D