Indecisive Insecurities

Chapter 2

I knew this trip is going to be a disaster from the moment Jasper saw my cut marks. He would ask about it. I could ignore him maybe even avoid him altogether even though my heart squeezing painfully at the thought. Still no matter what I did sooner or later he would eventually find out about my suicide attempt. And suddenly, before I know it, he'd look at me with different eyes. Accusing eyes.  

Stop it, Levi! He is not that kind of person!

No matter what I told myself, I couldn't help but thinking the worst. I know, it was petty of me to think that Jasper would actually feel disgust toward me. He had never been anything but kind to me. But, how can I be so sure? As much as I adored him and despite one whole year of friendship, I still didn't really know him.

I felt revolted knowing I could think of Jasper in such horrible way. I needed to have a control over my paranoaia. He might not think about it at all after all. I mean, who am I kidding? The world didn't revolve around me. His world certainly didn't, in fact his was most definitely revolved around a certain chic and outgoing redhead.  

Thinking about Cali and Jasper together formed a knot in my stomach. I needed to get away from my own mind before I go crazy, I thought and for once in my whole dramatic escape, I realized I had been running to an alien place unnoticingly. 

"Where the hell have you been?! We almost post a missing person ads," A voice called out. I turned myself around to find Connor striding purposefully toward me.

I discreetly swept my palms over my face making sure I didn't left a single tear. It would be a totally mood breaker if he found out I was crying before our long awaited paradise trip.

"Uh, I'm just sightseeing?" I raised my eyebrows smiling and cringing a little as Connor's impossibly tall and muscular body loomed over me before mentally scolding myself for feeling threatened even just for a little bit. I was quite the beanstalk myself but Connor had this effect on people, especially when his sharp blue eyes was penetrating right through my face, probably very annoyed at me.

"Alibi rejected," He rolled his eyes. I bit my bottom lip, looking at the ground under my feet, at a loss of words. He must have noticed there's something wrong about me, he had always been sharp. 

"Let's go back!" He shrugged, choosing to ignore my inner confliction which I silently thankful for. 

We walked side by side in silence toward his house where everyone was waiting. The tranquility  set my mind in turmoil. I kept thinking about Jasper and the horror that would follow if he chose to confront me. 

"Um, sorry!" I trailed, trying to get out of my head. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

"It's okay," He responded. He was quiet for a moment, then opened his mouth to speak.

"Is everything alright with Jasper?"

"Why do you ask?" I stuttered, my heart hammering inside my ribcage in panic. Connor scratched the back of his cropped short copper hair, frowning. 

"I just saw you ran away from him earlier. I know it's not my business, but um if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears you know, since I guess we're friends and all?"

Relief washed over me when he didn't say anything about cut marks. I was suprised by Connor's out of character gesture of kindness. I had always seen him as the brooding guy in the background, the very opposite of what Jasper was. He rarely spoke, and when he did speak it was on purpose. I guess I should have never judge a book by its cover.

"Thank you," I replied sincerely. "But, it's okay. Everything is alright between us. I'm just a little emotional today. That's all."

"Alright." He shrugged, dropping off the tropic.