In Search of Tomorrow ✓

No More Hope

I stared at the car, my stomach clenching and unclenching, my heat racing. Behind me, Dad had one rough hand on my shoulder, guiding me towards the van.

"Get in the car," he growled, and much as I dug in my heels, I couldn't resist. "You'll never be able to drive again unless you get over what happened, now."

I wanted to scream at them that he certainly hadn't gotten over what had happened, that he didn't even go to work these days and instead sat at home watching TV in increasingly ratty clothes, sometimes with a bottle at his side. I wanted to tell him that I'd had to shield Maddie and Clare from the way their daddy had turned into the kind of man I would never have thought.

But he pushed me one more time in the direction of the van and, tears blurring my vision, I was forced to open the driver's side door and get inside. I was shaking as he shut the door behind me and passed me the keys through the open window.

"Turn on the car," he snapped.

Tears were now flowing freely down my face. I glanced towards the front porch and saw Maddie and Clare watching me, huddled together in front of the door, their eyes wide. Gritting my teeth, I stuck the key in the ignition and twisted it.

Underneath me, the monster leapt into life, and suddenly, it was a roaring, dangerous creature, one that had killed my mother.

I screamed and kicked out, flinging open the door and trying to climb out. Dad shut the door though, locking me inside.

"Buckle your seatbelt," he demanded.

I was shaking so hard that my teeth were chattering and I could barely command my arms to move, grabbing the seatbelt and strapping it across my chest so that I was locked in. I forced myself not to panic and placed my hands on the steering wheel.

Through the window, my father commanded, "Back out of the driveway and get out of here."

Even though I could barely see where I was going, I obeyed, putting the car in reverse and backing down the inclining driveway. My heart was pounding so hard in the cage of my chest I knew that I would explode.

When I reached the bottom of the driveway, Dad nodded once before turning and heading into the house, pulling Maddie and Clare with him. The second the door had shut behind him, I steered the car back into the driveway, feeling faint and dizzy as I unbuckled and turned off the monster.

For the next week, Dad forced me into the car every day until I dreaded waking up because I knew what would come. He made me relive the worst moments of my life every single day, until I was so haunted I woke up screaming every night with tears staining my cheeks and pillow. I would never know if he did it because he truly wanted me to be able to live a normal life after my horrible experience or because he was preparing me for the day when he left and I'd have to survive on my own.

All I knew is that the days got increasingly dark until there was a black veil over the Caverly household, and only Mom's angel would be able to lift it. Every time I got in the car, I found myself lifting my face to the sky and closing my eyes, trying to speak to her.

Are you there, Mom? I'd ask without speaking words, squinting my eyes shut so tightly tears would leak out. Please let me know you're still with us, somehow. We need you so much.

I never got an answer, and one day, I just stopped believing she was there.