Being Poetic

Alone

Alone

Lost

Empty

Only 3 words to describe how I feel

My past is catching up so fast

I need to leave it behind

I can't though... I CAN NOT let go.

I'm sorry I need to let go of you

What you said STILL affects me

Yes, I still cry. EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.

Does that make you happy Robert?

Does it help you sleep at night?

That making me feel as much pain as you has finally been accomplished? Huh?

Does it make you smile? Knowing that I've hit rock bottom, REALLY HARD. To a point that its hard for me to breathe!

people like you made me cut.

My life made me cut.

Well guess what! I'm getting stronger each day surviving through all you've put me through! Breathing is suddenly been coming easier.. no more unhealthy heart beats. I just realized what strong meant when I had to go through that.

So you accomplished a goal.

And I survived.

You were killing me more and more each day.. My attitude changed, my heart raced faster and faster each day trying to get past the finish line.

Well we are FINISHED. You've finished me.

Just PLEASE don't do what you did and come running back to me.

Please don't say you miss me again.. Your my weakness.

Every word you say lures me in.

PLEASE just for once, let me be happy.

I'm so tired Robert. Let me rest.

All the sweet words... Did you mean them? Or was your plan to win me over so I'd give you my heart just so you could bruise it again. Was 3 times enough for you Robert? IM DONE DONATING MY HEART TO YOU!

You said you wanted it. You said you wanted me. But now I know what you really wanted... You wanted to uplift YOUR spirit. YOU wanted to feel good when I said words from my heart.

Because YOU are insecure and think your worthless.

Every day Robert. Every freakin day I told you 3 words, thinking I meant them. I did mean them.

Well you might think you've won. But you haven't. Because I'm not a game. You can't play with me like you did with my heart.

You think nobody knows? HAH! Your even stupider then I thought. First person I told was my father.

DO YOU THINK he ever forgave you? NO! HE HATES YOU! Because YOU made his daughter cry. You STILL do!

Every minute, every second of every day my heart is getting torn... Thinking your happier without me. Thinking your telling that slut everything you told me. Thinking that for once, I might of actually been something special to someone.

But no, I was proved wrong.

Remember those times I said you always make me smile? Well I lied. Your words made me smile. But YOU did not. Whenever I looked at you, I just wanted to cry

Hey Robert, remember when at first I could never keep a straight face with you when you were innocent? Well after everything you put me through and you told me to try and keep a straight face.. I could. Because all I had to think of was when you practically told me I'd be better off dead. All I had to think of was the real you that I decided to TRY and think wasn't you.

I bet your smiling right now. I bet your holding that slut in your arms thinking she's your "one and only".

While I'm Laying In bed, crying more and more each night.

Well sooner or later, my tears will dry, my eyes will no longer be blood shot, and your words will no longer lure me in.

And the one day when you walk past me and try to say hi, or even look at me! I will simply walk past you, smiling.

YES ROBERT I WILL SMILE!

I will act like you don't exist. I will treat you like you treated me after our first break up.

I WILL BE STRONG.

I don't need a douche like you in my life. It's not worth it. YOUR not worth it.

Your disgusting Robert. Your running to Brittany. You guys are freaking cousins and your gonna go ahead and start flirting with her again.

YOU ARE SICK.

I hope she breaks your heart. I hope she Tares it apart and stomps on it!

And then YOU can feel my pain. And I won't give a shit about it anymore.

Because I know that all the tears and cuts were worth it. They were a blessing from god.

Because that's what it is. A heartbreak is a blessing from god, it's his way of letting you know that he saved you from the wrong one.

And Robert hunny, YOU WERE THE WRONG ONE.

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I may be 14. You might think I don't know what LOVE feels like. But I do. I felt it with Robert. And I know it's true because it makes me weak even when I say his name. I know what love feels like because even AFTER he said "someone like you doesn't deserve to live" I STILL ran back to him.

Because I LOVED him.

And once you lose someone SO SPECIAL you just don't want to live. Trust me I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so the tears aren't noticed and the cries aren't heard over the pouring water.

I KNOW how it feels.

Just stay strong and

"Keep moving on"

It's the only way to survive this place we call earth.

Just MOVE ON.