CHANGE

Chapter Four

-Yara-

Finally, the terror has ended.

They had left.

***

In the chamber orchestra concert, Lillian and I was just silent listening to the music. She wasn't recording yet. She's just listening.

I remembered that I'm here to make things up to her after our not-so-good first encounter. So after the concert we went to buy ice cream and had to break the awkwardness.

"How did you discover chamber orchestra?" I asked. Breaking the ice.

"My crush, he was a big fan of music" she says.

"Does he also like you?" I asked.

"I don't think so, nah." She suggests.

"Well, why not confess?"

"I don't want to"

"No?"

"Definitely not"

"Well, how hard can it be?" I ask.

"Haven't you liked anyone before?"

"I guess? Had no time."

"Then, you won't understand"

"I don't get it"

"Uhm, let me think of an example." She pauses "Okay, it's like wanting something so bad but you know you won't have it or you cannot afford it, so telling someone you want to have it is pointless" 

"Still doesn't buy it, I mean, telling him would increase the chance that he will like you back right?"

"Oh, right, sorry. I guess it's like...You know that I like music right? But I can't sing."

"Yeah" I say. After realizing she was one of those not-so-good vocal voice I heard.

"And I would like to have a better voice but I really can't because I'm not born with a singing voice"

"Oh...I think I get it now"

"Right, and that's why I don't wanna confess because I know it would be pointless" she says. "We don't even hang out that much, we aren't close, he doesn't even look at me, sorry am I oversharing?"

"No, It's okay. Please continue"

She talks about how handsome he looks, how wonderful his voice sounds like, everything about him. How could someone admire a person so much?

"Where's the restroom?" I ask after a long talk with Lillian and I had to pee.

"I'll go with you so that you'll go to the right one" says Lillian.

"Wait" I say, confused. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No, I would never—" she stops and sighs. "Yesterday, before Music class, you..."

"What?"

"You went into the men's bathroom"

I felt my face turn red because I felt embaraased. "No. You're joking, right?" I paused and took a deep breath. "It was only you who saw that right?

"Well...—" she hesitated before talking again. "Uhm, not much"

"How many?"

"It was basically the whole Music class, except Mr. Mendeleev."

I don't know what to say. What an embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" she says.

"For what?"