Being Malay

It was at that moment when I said what I said,
"Peace be upon you. I'm Malay."
And it was at that moment I can guarantee
blatant stares from half of the crowd
like cold icebergs piercing through my self-confidence
foolish glares from the other half
nodding, thinking to themselves, "Malay?"

So let me just reiterate what I said when I said
"I'm Malay"
then ask me what being Malay is all about
and I'll just stay stationary, come morning assembly
when people sing along to the notes of their prejudice,
I mean, pride;
their heartbeats silenced by the subtle lyrics
moving their lips in synchronization
in some (un)comfortable nuance
and I'll just stay stationary
only we know what those words really mean?

Who needs the great Superman, the amazing Spiderman,
protecting the city from made-up evil
when you have Hang Tuah the epitome of 'being Malay'
protecting the good name of the race
the good name I sometimes forget
and don't come stabbing me with your fingers
laughing along to screams of "legends are surreal"
when you can tell that straight
to the faces of Adnan Saidi and Yusof Ishak.

Malay weddings? They have never cost fifty dollars
and I? I am not sorry when they think
embracing culture is disturbing the silence
of their heartbeats.
Meet us at the void deck as we use
every nook and cranny they left crumbling, filthy
and don't come jabbing me with accuses
if it ever becomes dirty
if that ever happens
let us pray our souls will survive in communal living.

I am loyal
in fact, allow me to have my eyes blinded
by their stone cold stares
and my ears deaf
from their numbing hatred
just so I could sculpt a grin of nonchalance.

Oh, don't mind me, I'm rummaging through the insults
I heard they come in volumes
even thicker than our Kamus Dewan
but I have never come close to offending them
basing them upon their blood
because that's just not in my dictionary
that is not in my kamus.

Let's see what we have here
ah, 'Malays are lazy' – top of the list.
"Alright, young one, how did you do for your exams?
Bad? You lazy insolent child!"
"Oi, what are you doing appreciating what you have?
Quit 'lepaking', get up and go do some work!"
"Hello, and how much do you make? Oh, it's alright,
work harder next time."
And I'm telling them, I tell them that we've done it
we've watered the tree of life with tears
of exasperation with joy
with sweat from toiling in 12-hour shifts
yet the umbrella of time shielded the tree
from the blessings of the rain
and when the time came
while I stood there reaching out my hands
palms scathed facing the azure blue sky
in prayer, in preparation for the falling fruits
waiting and waiting and waiting
sometimes
they never came.

Let me tell you what being Malay is
it's being immune to whatever hood of falsehood they wear
it's being there for your village inhibited
by those who love you, and who you love
it's being carefree in the face of adversity
on the face of ours we paint a smile of gratitude
it's being human, like everybody else.

It was at that moment when I meant what I said
"I'm proud"
and we... will never stay stationary.

***
(November, 2015)

***
Psst! Thank you so much for reading. I have a feeling of coming up with a glossary for this piece since there are numerous references to the Singaporean context. Do drop a vote if you would like to read that list. Have an awesome day, you deserve it! :)