What May Be

Chapter 4: Kayla

"Kayla....there is something I have to tell you. I know that there has been a lot of rumours going around about me and Alecia but none of them are true. I don't love her. She is amazing, but I don't love her.
And you know why I don't love her? Because she isn't you. Yes, you. I love you Kayla. I love you and I don't know what to do with myself."

"Kayla? Kayla why aren't you saying anything? Kayla are you okay? Kayla?"

I jolt back to reality and realize that everything I had "heard" was, sadly, not a reality. Just a perfect daydream ruined by the truth. I still love Peter, and he is still oblivious.

"Oh uh ya sorry what did you say"

"I just wanted to say that Alecia asked me out and I said no."

"Why?" I ask, confused "I thought you really liked her."

"I do really like her. But I realized that I never actually loved her. I was trying to replace love with friendship and it doesn't work that way. So I said no."

"Wow. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just glad I realized before I got into a situation that could hurt someone."

"You mean Alecia."

"What?"

"You didn't want to hurt Alecia."

"Oh...ya right."

"So what now?" I ask

"Alecia and I are still good friends and we are still going to hang out. Everything will just go back to normal."

Huh, normal. It doesn't even seem to be a possibility at this point. Nothing has been "normal" between Peter and I for years.
I wish things could go back to normal.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the reason he's been acting to weird lately. Maybe I've been spending too much time with him and it's making him uncomfortable.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I want things to go back to the way they were...and if this is the way that is going to happen then I guess it has to happen. I have to make things normal again because that's what Peter wants.
That's what I want.
I think.

"I think you should go. I have homework." I say reluctantly.

"Ok." Replies Peter "Let me know if you need help."

As I hear the door close behind Peter I think about how difficult this is going to be for me. I don't know how I'll go without talking to Peter all the time but it's what I have to do.
I have to avoid him because I love him and I want him to be happy.
So that's what I have to do.
No matter what it means for me.