I'm scared of what I am capable of. I've had recurring dreams of a man chasing me trying to kill me. He always outsmarts me in my dreams. I've never escaped him. At the end of my dreams the man is revealed to be me.
I found out that these are my darkest thoughts personified into this murderer. Realizing that the thing you fear is yourself, is life changing. Everyday it's a constant battle against the thoughts in my head. Every night it's a reminder of what's growing inside me. Not only fear, but pain as well. I'm slowly losing myself in this battle.
I'm a 16 year old in high school, but I feel a lot older. I was forced to grow up fast as a kid. There was never any time for fun. My dad was an alcoholic, always blaming me for everything. This made me realize at a young age that I would never be a parent like that. Right before I started high school, my dad left my family. Forcing me and my brother to get part-time jobs. Living pay check to pay check is hard. Going to school on top of that is even harder.
With all the stuff that has happened over these few short years, I still keep sight of my goals. To one day have a family that loves me, and provide for them what I never had. But these goals are slowly turning into wishes. I feel like no matter how hard I'm working no good is coming from it. I'm just slowly turning into a shadow of my former self.
I can't relate to the people at work or school. Every time I see someone with a face of entitlement, I imagine me murdering them. It's like a slight second of possession, then I'm forced back into reality.
I don't remember the last time I was truly happy.
Every night as I get ready for bed I feel like I'm going to war. I try to fight these thoughts in my dreams so they will never see the light of day. As I'm falling asleep I always wonder if I might wake up possessed. That I'll be trapped in my body without any control. I fear for my mom and brother's safety.
I've tried many times to kill this man in my dreams. But he always predicts what my next move is. It's like he is one step ahead. It makes me question that if he is actually me in the future. That no matter what I do, I will become him one day.
If that is true then the fighting is useless. Maybe I should just give in to these thoughts. To hopefully be able to rest, from this endless battle.
It might be what I'm destined to do. To be someone who takes life.
To whoever finds this letter? I'm sorry but I give up.
"That was written by a person just like us. Someone who was lost. All he needed was someone to let him know that he wasn't alone." Poet said taking a long pause. Thoughts of how he lost his best friend to REM, began to race through his head.
Poet's allies sat around him trying to understand his reasoning for reading the letter. They started to realize that Night Stalkers were once people like them.
The fight all of sudden didn't seem so black and white. Poet stood up and looked at the night sky, wondering if there was another way. He has never wanted to take a life. But his duty to his friends is starting to conflict with that. He knows that this letter will help justify his views on the matter. But will they accept it? Or are they only looking to him for the purpose of revenge. His friends have been effected by the people who choose to do bad. The last thing they want to hear is that he doesn't believe in getting even. Because to them he is their hero. A person who has saved them from their lowest point. To have their hero tell them that they're wrong, could destroy all that they have worked for.
Being the wanderer that he was. He decided to leave his friends. He would rather see them make their own decisions, then blindly follow his.
Poet realized that's what separates him from evil. If he starts to control people, he is no different from it. He only wants to help those who need it, and inspire people to do the right thing. People chose for themselves Poet thought as he awoke from the dream world.
