“Jaz, breakfast!”, my father yelled up the stairs.
I don’t why he insists on making breakfast. I haven’t been able to eat for the past couple of weeks. And when I do finally eat, its small bites, just enough to satisfy my hunger. The truth is I haven’t had the appetite to eat. As my birthday gets closer and closer, the more nervous I become.
I slowly get out of bed and pace around my room looking for anything that wasn’t stained or worn out. I settle on a pair of blue jeans and a grey hoodie. I didn’t even want to deal with my hair because no matter what I did, it wouldn’t stay straight. So I put it in a ponytail, grabbed my glasses and book bag, and headed downstairs.
As soon as I stepped out into the hall, I smelled blueberry waffles. My stomach growled. Even though I was hungry I knew the food wouldn’t stay down. My nerves would start kicking in the minute I stepped into school.
Going down the stairs, the smell got stronger. My mouth wouldn’t stop watering. And all I could think about was if there was any bacon, which was weird because I was a vegetarian.
I walked into the kitchen and sat down absentmindedly. I had decided when I first found out who I really was that I was going to be a vegetarian. I tried to suppress the other side of me for so long it was bound to come out sooner. But I was still control that much I knew. I was still in control… for the next five days.
“Jaz?”
I looked up at my father’s dark, worried face. His eyes pierced mine, searching for a sign that I was “not alright”. But I wasn’t going to let him worry about me. I could handle this, just like I handled it when mom died.
Mom used to be a lawyer until she got fired and went ape shit on us. She started drinking a lot and one night she just drank too much. It didn’t come as a surprise when they told me she was dead. I was 12 then, and after that day the dream started.
I stared back at my father using my best poker face. He didn’t need to worry about me. No matter what I was going to be fine. I just had to keep telling myself the same thing.
“I’m fine, dad. Just wondering what classes I’ll have.”
His face softened a little. That answer seemed to calm him down. He sat across the table from me and passed the plate of waffles. Even though I knew they wouldn’t stay down, I decided to take three.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine. I’m expecting an A in all classes,” he beamed.
“Even P.E. dad?”
I looked up from my plate and saw him staring at me. He had to know I was kidding. I needed some humor or I was going to breakdown. I attempted to smile. It was really hard because I haven’t done it in a while. He gave me a small smile.
“Even P.E. Jazlin,” he replied.
I was about to give a smart comment when I heard a rap at the door. I turned around and saw Jimmy smiling like a maniac. I rushed to open the door and he pulled me into a giant hug. He held me so tight my airway was being cut off.
“Can’t…breathe…”
He chuckled in my ear and put me down. As I struggled to catch my I got a glimpse of him. He had certainly grown out. His muscles were bulging and his facial features got sharper. He had cut his hair, so it fell around his ear instead of in his face. He was wearing a black V-neck and low ride jeans which looked like he was just poured in. He was so beautiful I couldn’t stand to look at him. It was disgusting.
“Hey Jaz! I missed you,” he said smiling.
“Yeah, looks like I missed a lot.”
I wasn’t happy that Jimmy changed so drastically over the summer. I was kind of pissed. Because I knew as soon as we got to school all the girls would be fanning over him, trying to get in his good graces for ignoring him for the past three years. And I was going to be left in the dust, trying to get through the next five days as quickly as possible.
“Awh, come on. It’s not that bad is it?”
I snorted at him. He knew how I felt about it. I didn’t want to repeat myself.
“Hello James. Nice to see you,” said dad.
“Good Morning.”
Jimmy bowed his head at my father. I saw my dad tense up and decided that it was time to go.
“See ya later dad!”
He gave me a wary smile and waved me goodbye. I grabbed Jimmy’s hand and we bolted out the door. We walked to school in silence for four minutes before I finally said something.
“You know how that bothers him…,” I trailed off.
“I can’t help it Jaz. It’s encoded in my DNA to show him respect.”
I sighed because I knew Jimmy couldn’t help himself anymore. And that made me mad that he had lost all rights to who he was. Because if you lost who you were then what was the point?
“So five days?”
I looked up at him for a second and dropped my gaze. My stomach started doing backflips and my hands wouldn’t stop fidgeting. If I didn’t direct my attention to something else, I was going to barf.
“Let’s just try to get through today,” I responded.
That seemed to shut him up because he didn’t ask any more questions. As we go to the crosswalk, I looked across the street and saw the school was already packed. People were in the parking lot chatting and meeting up with their cliques for the beginning of the semester. I looked at Jimmy once more before we crossed the street. My eyes focused on his face.
“What happened to your glasses!?,” I shrieked.
Jimmy wiggled his eyebrows at me and smirked. It took me a minute to realize what that meant. And when I did, I scrunched my face up and stormed across the street. His vision was better so he didn’t need glasses. I snarled because a part of me would have thought he would have stayed the same, for me. But that was selfish because Jimmy couldn’t control anything.
I was so angry and frustrated that I didn’t see the crosswalk sign turn red. I didn’t hear Jimmy calling my name, telling me to move. I didn’t see the crossing guard try to run toward me, blowing his whistle. And I definitely didn’t see the Toyota coming straight at me…
