The Player's Twins (Book Two of The Great Age Plague series)

Chapter Eight

Warning: This chapter could be triggering to those suffering from depression. I'll put a description of the chapter down below.

"No!" screamed Josh, making my flinch. When I looked up through my tears I saw Josh angrily brushing away his own and reaching for the door. Quickly, I grabbed his arm, jerking him back into the car before he could open the door. No, I was not strong enough to hold him back if he really wanted to go, especially since my belly was pretty big at this point and I didn't want to risk hurting my twins; but, at least I could hold him back a little, and that was better than nothing. Josh stared at me in rage before his face broke down, reminding me of a Greek god statue crumbling to dust. Yanking his arm away, Josh laid his head in his hands, and I noticed how badly he was shaking as he took deep breathes. I stayed silent, unsure of what to do.

Luckily, a few male nurses approached the car, one of them holding a wheelchair in tow. Oh yeah, this was the rehab unit-- they were used to junkies giving their loved ones trouble.

My Josh.  A junkie. After everything we had been through, that was what he was reduced to, as the grasp that the meth had on him was so strong, he was beginning to lose parts of himself. That thought was so sudden and so sad, I had to choke back the onslaught of tears, constricting the back of my throat so I couldn't breathe.

Josh began whipping his head around as the nurses approached the car, but they kept their eyes on me, waiting for my signal to take him away. I wiped my tears quickly, gasping for air as I prepared my goodbye.

"Josh, there is no other option at this point. I have to. You're beginning to not act like yourself," I said dutifully, forcing the words to leave my mouth. Josh stared back at me with wild eyes like a crazed horse. His gaunt face was paler than usual and his hands, still shaking, reached for mine, but I pulled away.

"No, no, no, no! Adira, don't you understand? I can't miss any of your pregnancy! I can't! What if something happens while I'm in there?" he yelled. Immediately, regret began to rush through my body, but I reminded myself that this was what needed to happen. Fixing my eyes on the outside window, I willed myself to stay strong for both of us.

"No, Josh. You're addicted. You need help!" I said forcefully. To this, Josh rolled back into his seat as if accepting defeat, but his knee jiggled nervously as he eyed the nurses looming outside the car.

"I don't need help, you bitch," he said coldly. My mouth dropped and I turned to face him, but Josh had already exited the car. He was making a run for it. I couldn't help but scream as the nurses tackled him, making him land on his shoulder funny in the grass outside the hospital unit. I unbuckled my seat belt, leapt out of the car, and started to run toward Josh.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I yelled as I ran toward him. On the ground, Josh struggled to get out of the nurses grasp, as they yelled out orders to him.

"Stay down! You need to calm down sir!" yelled the nurse standing above him. Josh didn't respond, he only continued to struggle to get out of the other nurses' grasp.

"Josh, you need to calm down!" I yelled. Finally, after he refused to stop struggling and responding to any of us, the nurse pulled out a syringe filled with a strange liquid. When they pushed the syringe into Josh's left leg, Josh immediately began calming down. As he drifted off, the nurse released him, and I began to rush to his side.

"You should probably stay back," warned the tall nurse, holding an arm out. Strangely enough, I pushed past him, something a year ago I never would have been able to do. Getting down on my knees, the wet grass soaking through my jeans and chilling me to the core, I began to stroke his hair as Josh's eyes began to droop. Lazily, he lifted up his arm, but it dropped down before he could move.

"Joshie?" I whispered, tears in my eyes "Josh, I love you." As I finished the sentence, Josh's eyes closed and he was out cold.

***

After finishing the paperwork, I had a long cry in the car before driving myself home.

Everything reminded me of Josh. As Fitzy greeted me at the door, wagging his stubby little tail and licking my face, I was thrown back to the first time we ditched school together, causing a whole new wave of tears to run down my face. Back then, everything was so simple. Back then, I would've had my mother to help me through on this. Aching with depression, I shuffled over to the couch, holding my belly as I sobbed and sobbed.

What had happened to my life? Everything just felt bleak. Dark. Horrible. Vaguely, I began to think about the kitchen knives sitting oh so close to me. What was the point anymore? My parents, my cousins, my aunts, and my uncles were all dead. Once it had been so cute to call me the baby of the family, the youngest of the cousins, the tiny one who everyone had to take care of. That was before the plague, but once the plague hit out of them all I wasn't the baby anymore-- I was the lucky one. Sure, I was so freaking lucky, to be left alone in the echo of a world we once had. A world were things were almost normal, where we still had a few colleges, a few zoos, and some stores to keep us busy while we waited, waited for the plague to mutate and finally finish the job it had started, killing us off for good.

Then there was Josh and Keon and Cally. What had once been my life lines were slowly beginning to crumble apart. Josh was in rehab. Keon? Well, he and I couldn't even make love our relationship was such a mess. Here we were still embarking on this new path in a new world with new rules, which I was happy about, sure, but a small part of my heart just wished Keon had been fertile, because chances are if he had been we would have been paired, not Josh and I, which could have saved us a whole mess.....no insecurity from Keon, and no having to worry I wasn't giving both of them attention. Then, there was Cally, who was not only as alone as I was, but also who had been secretive and weird lately, making me feel more isolated to her than ever. Before the plague, we never fought. Now it just seemed to be a regular old thing. Slowly but surely I felt like I was losing my best friend, and just thinking about that made me want to curl up and just die.

The more I thought about it, the better it seemed. I could take some pills. Put a knife to my wrists and bleed out. I could even curl up outside in the cold and freeze to death, falling into a peaceful sleep as the snow covered by bare form.

When I looked down, though, I knew I couldn't do any of that. Sure, I could die no big deal, I didn't care about my own life anymore; but there were these two little mysteries growing inside me. I could not kill them off too, the idea simply made my heart ache. Just thinking about either of the babies inside me dying filled me with such red hot rage and dripping sadness, the mourning I felt for my mother seemed to pale in comparison. Huh. That was the weird thing about being a future mother, I guess. I already loved my children more than myself.

Sighing, I forced myself to get up off the couch after hours of crying. I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich, took a shower, and curled up in my bed, with only Lilac curled at my feet. Slowly and gently, I rubbed my stomach, holding back tears as I hummed a nursery rhyme my mother used to sing to me when I was young.

"Hush little babies don't say a word, Mommy's going to buy you a mockingbird," I sang softly to myself "And if that mocking bird don't sing, Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring don't shine, Mama's going to sell it to the five and dime."

Gently, I felt one of my babies kick. It was enough to calm my soul down for a few minutes, and I closed my eyes before I drifted into a dark, empty sleep.

***

Description: Josh struggles before he is taken away to rehab. After that, Adira goes home and contemplates suicide, but decides not to since she loves her babies so much.

A/N-- Hey guys! Sorry for the depressing chapter. I think the next one might be a bit more chipper than this. Also! Later today I will hopefully be publishing my new story the Youtuber's Secret! I wanted to publish it sooner, but I've been busy trying to make it perfect. Check that out if you want a lighter read. <3