I saw Maverick today. I went by the gym to see him in between his teaching classes. I told him that I'm dating Marshall again, but I want to come soon and start on Bo's room. He didn't seem at all bothered by my mention of him, but that could just be a mask.
Later I'm supposed to see Marshall again. We've been texting on an off since our date. I get nervous when he doesn't respond for a while. It makes me think he's out at that field and it gives me a sick feeling.
Thatcher and I have Bo today, Maverick deserves a day off from having to juggle the gym and his niece. I've missed her, and I know Marshall will love to see her. He's been away so long she probably looks really different.
"What time should I be out of here?" Thatch asks, holding Bo in his arms and sitting next to me on the couch.
"For what?" I ask, turning down the tv.
"For your date." He says, raising his eyebrows.
"You don't have to leave." I tell him. "Who's gonna watch Bo?"
"Well I'll take her to Cash's with me." He offers. "He's obsessed with her."
"Why doesn't he just come here?" I say, sitting cross legged on the couch. "I just don't want Marshall to miss seeing her."
"Well I don't wanna ruin the chances of you getting some tonight." He jokes, brushing up against my shoulder.
"Thatch if anyone is getting anything tonight it's you. So just leave her here with us." I say. "You can go with Cash and I'll take her back to Maverick's when he calls."
"Are you sure Marshall's gonna be okay with that?" He asks, letting Bo grab his fingers.
"He'll be fine." I tell him. "He promised not to get crazy."
"Well no offense but boyfriend doesn't have to best track record with keeping his promises." He says matter of factly.
"I know he doesn't. But he's really trying this time." I say, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear.
Thatcher sighs and there's a long moment of silence between us. My mind drifts to Marshall, I wish he was here now. Even though we're not technically back together yet I like to make sure he's okay. I'd rather him be with me than awol like he was for so long. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when my phone buzzes on the table.
Marshall: I'm sorry Rach, something came up. Can we push it to tonight?
My stomach sinks, no. I swear to god if he's at that field...
Me: Sure. Should I go to your place?
Marshall: You can wait there for me if you want, keys in the same spot. I may be a while.
Me: Where are you?
I get no response to that message and my entire body feels heavy. I don't want to cry but my tears fight their way out. Thatcher immediately turns towards me and looks at me with a worried expression.
"Rachel what in hell happened are you okay?" He asks, his voice strained with worry.
I nod, wiping my tears away with my hands. I get up from the couch, quickly going up the stairs into my bedroom and shutting the door behind me. I yank open my dresser drawer and dig around for Marshall's t shirt, finding it and sitting on my bed. I cry again while looking at it. I fucking love him, and I wish I could just go back to normal but I can't. I need to know we'd be secure. I want more stability than we had last time. I need to be sure that this is the right thing to do, feelings aside.
***
I've been at his apartment for about two hours now. I've just been sitting on the couch mindlessly watching the tv. I've been thinking about Ren. Not anything specific, just remembering her. I miss her so much and it just contributes to the daily weights I carry for Marshall and Maverick.
I took Bo back to Mav's on the way here. He didn't ask where I was off to but the look on his face said he already knew. He tells me to tell Marshall hello from him but I know it's all just talk. Marshall doesn't want to hear it and Maverick doesn't actually want me to tell it.
After another few minutes of thinking I hear keys in the lock. I sit up, turning the tv on mute. The door opens, and Marshall steps inside. His face is shielded but the dimness of the room and I stand up.
