L.A. (Live Away, Leave A-Way!)

The Courage to Say "No"

How can a "No-Man" survive in society's "Yes-World?" Or rather, why is it so hard for us to say the word "no" when it comes to other people? When they ask a favor you do not want to do because you are loaded with tons of work, when you do not like what they are doing or saying to you, or worse, even if they end up hurting you?

It is so hard to believe that evolution has brought us to point wherein we suppress our will to refuse what will end up wrecking us physically, emotionally and financially. Cynic you may call me, but I hate to break it to everyone that perhaps with the onset of the "Digital Era," we absorbed the tendency to please other people at the cost of compromising ourselves in the process by posting the façade of looking good even if in reality, we are in deep s##t.

Why is it so hard to say "no?"

You may say, "If I refuse my boss, I might end up getting a poor appraisal during my year-end evaluation," or "she may not like me if I do not buy her that D & G bag even if it will drown me in an ocean of debt?" Maybe you'll reason out that "Dad might get sad if I don't book that SG trip even if I can't afford it" or "My hubby will be so disappointed if I don't let him 'in' the 'backstage,' guess we can experiment at bed even if I find it uncomfortable. "

We have a lot of what ifs in our life that we tend to dwell on them till the point of no return. Have we been so immersed thinking and anticipating the reaction of other people at the cost of our comfort and peace of mind?

After attending a personality enhancement seminar, I learned a simple and effective way of living our life, stress-free. Interested? Even if it costs me money when I attended the seminar, I am more than willing to share the answer with you guys. Basically, to life a happy and full life, the single and most reliable way of doing so is mustering the courage to say "NO" to the people or the situation in which you are not comfortable with in the first place because you deserve something and someone better. How do we put this in context?

Let's go to scenario 1: pleasing the boss. Let's face it; we have all done something, one way or another, against our will, volition or belief system just so we can please our superior at work. However, drawing the line between your role as an employee versus what you are not supposed to do would better not only you but also the people around you. Does letting your boss know you're uncomfortable with him being all touchy with you makes you a poor and unproductive employee? Will you be degraded should you refuse requests or "errands" you are not supposed to do so in the first place?

Wait, here's more. Let's go to scenario 2: relationship goals and problems. To all of those with better halves out there (me excluded), being honest with them will not make them your bitter halves at the end of the day. How can we be not honest with our partner's spending habits should it prove fatal in your budget? Will it make you less of a woman should you not let your hubby's weenie at the backdoor when you're doing it at bed? Will it make you less of a man if you don't like your d#ck being covered in plastic? Acceptance is different from accommodation, my friends.

Here's the thing; one way or another, we are all caught up in scenario 3: pleasing our relatives. I feel so horrible every time my relatives aboard go back in our country only to splurge their hard-earned money to the point of draining their savings just to commit themselves as one-day millionaires. I won't take it against my relatives if I do not get any "pasalubong" from them should they go home for vacation. However, the trap of pleasing our loved ones should not deter us from the calamity awaiting our finances should we dive into a buying craze.

I know that saying "No" is a totally alienated concept in the Filipino society. Some may contest that this goes against our hospitable nature. However, I'd rather say no rather than risk myself into doing things against my will, buying things to please people who don't even give a heck about me or stick in a relationship wherein I am no longer happy with what transpires in our love story.

However, I have a word of caution for everyone. I am an advocate of saying no, but not a supporter of rudeness and misdemeanor. There is always, always a better way of refusing someone without hurting them in the process. Like:

- "I appreciate your concern, boss, but I am sorry to let you know that I am not comfortable when you touch me around."

- "I love you, honey, but I do not like it when you smoke inside the bedroom."

- "I know you want that new phone, son, but as of now I cannot afford it. Maybe you can settle with something else that won't hurt daddy's and mommy's budget?"

- "Let's to buy stuffs for Christmas, dad. But is it alright with you if we don't spend beyond 5,000.00 pesos?"

- "Thank you for offering me a bottle of beer but I have a stomach problem right now so I have to decline."

So, are you ready to say "no?"

�MZ�˽�