L.A. (Live Away, Leave A-Way!)

9 Foods to Best Describe Men

Let's face it: men, they are on a league of their own. Well, we're like food, different taste fitting different women tasters. If we were food, we can be easily categorized by the following below:

1. Lollipop

Eye-grabbing, trophy material fit for your hall of fame. Good looking, great while the sweetness lasts. You may end up breaking up with him soon once his purpose has been served. Word of caution: notorious for being a great siphon of your time, energy and money. Eat at your own risk!

2. Hotdog

A d%ck. The only redeeming aspect is his bed-making skills. Will end up hurting you, but you are stupid enough to put all of that pain aside just to be with him again. F#ck, love, spilt apart, reconcile, repeat. Hard within the comfort of the freezer, softens out when cooked in the realities of life. You will live under the assumption that everything that when wrong in your relationship is entirely your fault. Worse, he'll make you feel you cannot live without him. The epitome of sh#theads. A God, a perfect f$cking God. Don't bother putting up with him.

3. Coffee

Sophisticated; serious, mature. Difficult to read and can come out too strong. Takes time to fully grasp how his brain works. More of the long-term man rather that your short-time boy. He is actively seeking a serious relationship, though he doesn't look like one with all of his attention seemingly strung out to his career. Soothing and relaxing in the long term. Addicting, especially when you get a taste of him.

4. Egg

A wuss. Easily eaten alive by the complexities of life. Takes extra effort when in the cookpot of problems. Comes out strong when he overcomes his challenges. Worth sticking out for, just as long as you won't pass out until he toughens up. With the right amount of love and nurture, the egg can hatch out an eagle, taking you high above the sea of clouds; a dependable man behind the chicken-sissy boy.

5. Chocolate

Terrifyingly sweet. A woman pleaser, your guy when you want your wish list done. The perfect balance of sugary qualities and the bitter-tinged attitude. Sweeps you off your feet when he does something for you. Prepared just right for you. The unicorn that came to life from your wildest fantasy. Endangered species; protect and preserve, don't ever let him go!

6. Ice cream

Has nerves of steel and blood as cold as ice; not to mention the chilly air breezing around him. With eyes that can pierce your soul, this one's built for the tough girls out there. He is not the type designed for the faint of heart. Literally the "Bad Boy" of the food chain. Winning the ice cream guy is so worth it; underneath that sheath of barren and icy exterior is the elusive and sweet taste of compassion, passion, love and devotion. Good luck digging that one out though; takes a lot of time, patience, perseverance and guts, a heap ton of guts.

7. Steak

With his wallet as thick as a well-done t-bone, this one's the perfect score for financial stability. Your man when you need to keep the cash flow healthy and growing. Blessed with a silver spoon shoved in his mouth, the steak man can satisfy the financial and practical aspect of a relationship. However, steak guys happen to possess a high mortality rate for relationship sustenance; sometimes, with money offsetting the affection. Guess money isn't everything after all. What they lack in the love language they can make up for the witty utilization of their funds to keep their girl cared for and appreciated. The steak man doesn't want the career-woman, but the maternal woman, the type that will take care of them after a long day's work. Better sharpen up your household chores skill, ladies!

8. Coconut

All head, no brain. A complete air-head; thus, a word of caution for the ladies: the coconut man happens to be the densest of them all. They wouldn't know you love them unless you tell them so. Worse, even if you do end up telling them your feelings, they are just so d#mn thick! Ready your tissues and handkerchief folks, the women falling for the coconut guy are in for a roller-coaster of anger, depression and frustration.

9. Bitter Melon

Just like the name, the bitterest man of them all. You'd hear nothing but pessimism and negativism from his mouth. The perfect guy to ruin your day; he's so good at it you'll end up contaminated with his animosity towards life. If you think the hotdog guy is worse, the bitter melon guy puts him in uttermost shame. Enough said; just slam the door at him and leave without looking back.

Well, what's your type of guy?