Speak Now [Niall Horan]

P a r t • T h r e e

Part • Three

As I lay here, I think of what it could have been, until this. This, as in me and Niall, and who we wish we could be. I've wished forever to be someday the wife of this man I grew up with, but someone else is about to take the spot.

Not me; it'll never be me.

I wiped a tear that rolled down my cheek with my thumb; looking at his face. Niall had his head rested peacefully on his pillow; his eyes closed. He is resting peacefully; he has a smile on his face.

I didn't want to wake him. It would just break his heart seeing me go. Well, I hope it would, but in a good way. I couldn't bear to see the pain in his eyes when he knew I had to leave.

Last night was just a one night stand. That was all.

I leant down to kiss his cheek, his stubble brushed against my skin. This would be the second time to leave him after we had sex, but this time it was necessary. Niall was going to marry Hanna-I somehow managed to think her name-and I would end up forever alone with ninety cats, but it was okay. At least he'll be happy, and I'll be...alone.

I wiped another tear, but it fell on his cheek before I could stop it. I realized I was crying more than just a couple tears. I hesitated; Niall just looked so peaceful in his sleep. How his mouth was slightly open; his neck was tilted upwards. As I pulled away, I heard him start to mumble something unclear. Unscrambling it, I realized my name was said. "Julia...," he mumbles again, wiping his face where my tear fell. It must have just been a reflex; Niall didn't stir afterwards.

I choked back another set of tears, biting my lip. I had to leave, and it had to be now. I scooted backwards on his bed. Right as I turned my head to a towards the door, Niall moved his arm. I moved quickly, slipping off the mattress as his hand fumbled for the pillow I slept on last night. I paused, my eyes scanning his body to see for any signs that he would wake.

Instead, I noticed something I did not last night. From afar, it looked like a tiny smear; you would miss it if you're not paying attention.

I leaned down slowly, looking closer. That's when I really saw it, tiny script letters on the far right of his shoulder blade. Julia.

I gasped, stepping back slowly until I hit the wall that was a few steps behind me. When did he ever get that? He definitely never told me. Hanna probably knew about it as well; no wonder she gave me those looks. I had a sudden urge to wake him and ask him, but I had to leave.

I looked around; pushing my long hair back just to see what was at my feet. I kicked at a few pairs of boxers, finally spotting my jeans and t-shirt.

This was not my first experience with running out after something happens. Besides the first time me and Niall made love, there was a time before.

I'm not messed up; I just have a messed up life. Or, I did. Without Niall, I don't know where I would be. That may have sounded cliché and shit, but it's absolutely true. It happened the night of graduation. My Mum committed suicide. She fucking did the most selfish thing ever, and it was on my night.

Even though she didn't speak or mutter a word to us for months after this big fight with my father, we still didn't expect that. I remember it all, sitting beside Niall in the stupid uncomfortable chairs my cheap-ass school rented for the service. I was looking around, searching for her brown hair curly hair and brown eyes in the crowd. I kept rocking back in my seat nervously, playing with the zipper on the gown.

Eventually, I gave up looking, and Niall knew something was up. I remember him muttering, "She'll be here soon."

But boy was he wrong. I knew- I knew something was wrong. I had a gut-twisting feeling as I walked across the stage to receive the diploma I've longed for my whole school years.

We didn't find her until later, after we cut the cake at the party Niall was throwing, and I was drunk. But I remember screaming-tons of screaming-until I realized it was from my mouth. That was the real true time I left; not physically, but mentally. I felt like I was floating since then, just going through the motions with everything and everyone.

Weeks after that, I struggled with depression. My father gave up trying to be someone important in my life. I tried everything after her death. Stuff I wasn't even proud of...and he was there for me, and I always hoped he would be there for me forever.

That is what Niall was to me my whole life. He was my best friend; he was my warrior; he was my savior; he was my first love; he was my everything. Now, he's my nothing. I just know it even if we had something last night. But that was it. Just a one-time thing.

I pulled my jeans on; they were still damp from the rain last night and now wrinkly from being crumbled up and on the floor. The t-shirt was dry though, since it rested peacefully on the single dresser.

I didn't dare look back as I slipped out of the bedroom door, knowing if I did, I wouldn't be able to leave. I slipped my phone out of my shorts pocket, ringing for a taxi.

The bathroom door was open, so I quietly walked in, locking the door behind me as I made the call. I leaned my back on the wall, staring at the mirror.

My long brown hair was messed up; mascara trailed down my cheeks smeared with tears. I reluctantly grabbed a towel, trying to wipe my face as I juggled my phone with my other hand.

After I hung up, I slowly eased my phone back into my pocket. I didn't move another muscles as I stared into the mirror. I had already fixed my hair and make-up, but I still stared.

"Why can't I ever have a happy ending?" I quickly mumble to myself, still looking into my brown eyes.

Maybe I should just give up.

"Don't turn into Mum," I tell myself, attempting a pep-talk. "You didn't just agree to travel hundreds of miles, leaving your favorite cat at home to watch some hoe still your man. Even if this goes through, Julia, you're not just going to lock your feelings up."

Today is going to be the day of life or death.

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so um, don't hate me and all just love me bc this is an update and it's like 2 am or whatever and i just feel bad bc i haven't been able to update im sorry just ughh. ilysm. also, sorry it's short. i. have. had. a. major. writers. block. ughh.

vote? comment? [i love comments. they make me smile. especially if they're funny. or a gif.] fan? (:

p.s, on the side theres a photo of niall's back -i know, i know, omg omg sigh- and i edited it and put on the right shoulder blade like in the book the tattoo so you'd see what i imagined. okay, okay. chill the tits.