I went in to the kitchen to a late night snack. I put some popcorn into the microwave and switched songs on my mp3 player. A funky dance number came on. I looked first before I started dancing like a mad women. No one needs to see me jumping like I was on fire and singing tone deaf. I closed my eyes and shuck my limbs spatially while spinning around until I tripped of the rug. I was laughing at my reflection in the appliances when I heard him.
He was standing in the doorway leaning against the frame his brilliant white teeth showing in an amused smile while his dark green eyes sparkled with laughter. The moment I saw him my face fell with my joyful mood leaving me. I had not seen him since the day I arrived and I did not want any confrontation. He came into the kitchen and offered a hand to help me up. After looking at it for a moment I took it. Rough and callused against my smaller much softer hands. His touch tied knot in my stomach and stirred feelings I tried to ignore.
“Why won’t you act like that around me.” His voice low and gave off a feeling of loneliness. I took a step away not liking how close he was to me.
“I used to,” I said quietly not quite trusting my voice. Turning away from him I walked to the microwave. He sighed and began rustling through the cabinets.
“So, 18 huh,” I slammed the microwave shut when he brought up my upcoming birthday.
“Yeah,” I turned around to see him sitting on a bar stool at the counter with an empty bowl.
“That’s exciting huh,” He continued, “I heard you were having a party.”
“Yeah it was Declan’s idea a welcoming parties of sorts.” I went grab the bowl form in front of him but he grabbed my hand pulling me in to the seat next to him. His thumb ran over the ring that rests on my ring finger. A small silver band with a delicate emerald placed in the center. A small silent sat on his face as he looked at the ring. He had sent it to me last year on my birthday. I don’t know why I wore it when I knew it meant nothing to him but I was still holding on to a childish fantasy.
We sat like that for a while hand in hand facing each other, the smell of butter popcorn wafting around us. The silence was not awkward but I still felt on edge like I was still the small girl that had left all those years ago.
“Why did you leave,” he said quietly, somly. I looked at him his eyes seemed as sad as his voice sounded.
“Because you did,” my voice had a similar tone as his sounded. Searching his eyes for a reaction all I got was a small squeeze of my hand.
“I didn’t understand what was happening.” His voice was still soft but had a defensive side to it. “I was confused.”
“You were confused, how you thought I felt.” I pulled my hand away. “One night you were kissing me and the next morning I find out you made a last minute decision to take a trip across the country.
“It was a business trip.” I scoffed
“I found out later.” My voice had gone hard. “That does not change the fact that you left without any notice or explanation. My brother, your best friend, had died and I was feeling alone.”
“You weren’t alone,” he sighed.
“But you still knew how I felt. I just wanted you to be here for me.” I turned my head away from his as tears begun to sting; my throat closing up on me.
“I know, I know but you were so young and I was stupid,” his voice becoming softer with each word, “so stupid.” Sorrow was rolling off him in waves as his voice became heart breaking
“It was only a few years ago we’re still four years apart.” He sighed in irritation running down his face.
“Just go Zane.” Tears began to flow silently down my cheeks; tears I didn’t want him to see.
“What did say,” his voice turned to soft and caring but it just made me angrier. As if everything I had held in, everything I had ran away from was being pushed out into the open. “Turn around,” he pleaded placing a hand on my arm gently pulling me towards him.
“Please,” my voice cracked, “go.” All of this had become too much for me.
“Why,” he whispered pulling me around to face him again. Something had snapped in me.
“Because I don’t want you to think I’m weak.” My body was tense I didn’t care what I sounded like I wanted him to know that his words all those years ago had hurt me.
“Annabella,” he whispered gently taking my face in his hands. “I am so sorry.” I closed my eyes as the tears increased at his remorseful tone. His lips softly kissed a tear that had escaped off my cheekbone. “I am sorry that I ever made you feel that way, ever said those words to you. I want so badly to take everything back and start anew.” He said in between placing light kisses on my face. “Will you forgive me,” he whispered hovering above my lips. He spoke with so much conviction and adoration that I wanted to forgive him so bad. I’ve wanted him to say those things to me for so long but inside I knew that I could not just give in. I was not our time.
“Please,” he said right before placing a soft kiss on my lips; my body tingling with his touch.
“Zane,” I pulled away from him. “You rely on everyone else to help you make decisions. Your dad, Declan, my brother have all given you input on each decision you’ve ever made Zane. What are you going to do when they’re not there anymore?” I questioned him taking his hands off my arms where they had been resting.
“I...” he faltered staring into my eyes as I distended us further.
“You don’t know.” I stood up. “Three years ago you told me to grow-up and I did. I left and went out on my own. I have grown so much but you have not changed a bit. So when it’s you decision and yours alone that want to be with me then we’ll talk.” I shook my head when he tried to reach out for me and grabbed my now cold bag of popcorn and walked out of the kitchen leaving a stunned and confused Zane behind.
