Artificial

Chapter 3: The Stars

  I didn't know where the birds would lead me, but hopefully far away from the confusion and madness that seemed to be following me even after death. Up until the day I died I always looked over my shoulder, I avoided going anywhere at night, and I suddenly started to push away anyone that came close to me. Maybe subconsciously I knew I was going to die and I didn't want anyone to morn over someone who just went through life as a shadow. I was slowly going insane and everyone tried to help me but, I didn't want help from anyone. I always felt like something was following me no matter where I went, so I'd turn around once or twice maybe even five times in the span of five seconds. At night I rarely went out because many things lurk in shadows, maybe that monster that just tore through my ankle hid there once or twice when I wasn't looking.

Nothing significantly bad happened to me to make me so paranoid. I had a happy childhood, loving parents, and I was an only child so I was treated like a princess by them. I mean I was a little moody because I'm a teenager but, aren't all teenagers that way? I got decent grades and, I played sports left and right. I don't even consider myself bad looking either maybe my narcissistic self is setting in. Yet the question still remains: why was I so paranoid?

My paranoia made me stronger I presume after feeling it for the past couple years. I learned not to feel at all. I wasn't happy or sad; I was just there I just kind of existed. I wouldn't completely call myself a wallflower because I didn't feel excluded by people; I was the one that excluded me. I was probably my own worst enemy in the last two of high school years. I was extremely hard on myself for no reason at all. Those all nighters I pulled doing homework now I won't even get to walk across the stage and get my diploma. I sent about five colleges' résumés and now I won't even know if I got accepted. My mom and dad are probably the only ones that went to my funeral, if I even had one.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I grunted through my teeth looking down stopping where I stood.

"I spent all of my life pushing everyone away and I'm having all of these regrets."

"It isn't fair! I didn't ask to die, I didn't ask for the car to hit me and take my life away!" I screamed punching a tree with all of my force. My knuckles turned red and a line of blood appeared from a light scratch like a paper cut.

I wiped away a stray tear that I didn't realize fell from my eye. I finally looked at my surroundings and I discovered that the birds were gone and it was night time. The stars were shining so bright and twinkling so rapidly it looked like they were dancing. Who knew a hot ball of gas would look so stunning in its element. The darkness of the night brought out the beauty of each star, it was truly hypnotizing. I was so grateful that just the sight of them calmed me down from my fit of rage.

The worst thing is that I was in the middle of nowhere, it was dark and I had no means of food or shelter for the night. I guess I'll have to make the most out of what I have on me. Luckily I had a jacket to wrap around me but, no food. Going one night without food shouldn't be that hard, I remember doing research on human survival tactics for an essay I had in creative writing. A human can survive about three weeks without food, but after three days without water you'll perish. That was the only thing I was extremely worried about. Surely I'll find my way out by then.

There was no way I could look around for shelter tonight it was too dark so, I sat down next to the tree I punched earlier resting my head on it. I cloaked my jacket on me and tried to get comfortable to go to sleep. Even though it was the darkest night I seemed to experience since I never went out after five thirty in the afternoon. My anxiety was at an all time low and I didn't even look over my shoulder. If I get through these trials with eternal happiness as my outcome I hope eon is like this. My breathing and the beat of my heart became synchronized as I slowly drifted to a night long coma.