Never Say Never (Arranged Marriage Love Story)

Chapter Ten

|Chapter Ten|

Isn't it funny how the things in our life we thought we hated most only made us even more miserable when it is taken away from our grasp? We had grown used to it's constant negativity that it had become part of our life, part of ourselves. And then it's ripped away from us, taking a piece of our soul along with it. And we only become miserable without its constant beat by our side.

These thoughts soared through my mind as I laid in my bed late the following night of the ball. It was well close to one o'clock, yet sleep eluded my restless being. It was going to be a very long night at the rate my mind was running at the moment.

Closing my eyes shut, I run a hand through my messy golden curls after turning over to lay on my back. I was half thankful that I was all alone in my room; I had been alone for the past four hours. But this was also causing my mind to go crazy at the same time with one question constantly rushing back to me.

Where was Ashley?

That was a question I wished I could answer, yet I feared it as much as I yearned for it. If what I believed was coming to past, then I knew that I would not like the answer to the question I so willfully wished for.

The signs were all there, pointing to what I wanted; but a part of me refused to believe it, refused to accept it as a possibility. But the more minutes that ticked by on the clock, the more I began to feel myself falling apart as I succumbed to the unwanted answer: Ashley had grown tired of my coldness and turned to others to feed his needs. Last night's words revealing the fact that he would have me despite what I wanted, thus why give attention to a girl who does not return them at the moment. He had needs to be filled and he wouldn't get them from me, at least not now. so he went somewhere where he could get them. Why spend time showering attention on someone whom he already had got in his web? My being did not matter to him anymore and it hurt.

I didn't want it to hurt, but my heart felt like it was being crushed, throbbing painfully with each shuddering beat it took. Ashley had left me with a mark that made my body feel unwanted feelings only to cause more pain in my life than was needed. It wasn't enough that it made his absence and disinterest in me hurt inside my heart, but now it was causing my brain to go into overdrive. It made me care for a man that I should be happy had left me be.

I had noticed the disinterest immediately early this morning. I had just gotten out of the shower and changed into a flowing sun dress and exited the bathroom to my bedroom. Ashley was shrugging a white t-shirt over his head when his blue eyes caught mine. Instead of making a snarky comment, he said nothing and diverted his gaze before walking out of the room without a single word to me. I thought it strange, but I moved on with the day deciding that he had just woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

But I was wrong, so very wrong. At the breakfast table he didn't talk to me nor did he even ever look at me. Instead he chatted with Titus as well as flirted to the girls near his seat. He repeated this same process throughout the next two meals of the day and soon I began to get what he was doing and then my heart began to ache. I wanted to talk to him, reach out to him and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, but I knew that would make me seem desperate, weak, and vulnerable. Hadn't I made it clear to him last night that I hated his guts, and I did, didn't I?

Sighing once more, I roll over to my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. The more I thought about Ashley, the more pain it brought on with it. I was mad at him, mad at him for dissing me off so quickly; but I was also mad at myself for getting so upset over the fact. I knew most of my emotions came from the black mark over my heart, but it didn't feel that way inside. Inside I felt broken, confused, and lonely. With Willow gone from my life at the moment, who was I to turn to for help?