Fighting the Stars - A Jack Harries Fanficton

Chapter 6

I’ve felt like this before, in a dark hole fighting to escape. I feel like nothing. I feel invisible. But I like it this way, because not being liked is much worse than being invisible.

I slept maybe an hour at most last night. Terrible thoughts coursed through my mind, leaving me in a cold sweat. I just feel so scared all the time, and I don’t know what to do anymore. 

But why don’t I tell on him? Everything could be normal again. It’s because I’m safe this way, silent, unnoticed. But silence, too, can be torture.

I had to get a grip on myself.

James would be back soon, so I decided to clear my mind with a hot shower. I could hardly feel the water, though. My body was too numb.

I tried working on my paper for Music Theory. I thought that classwork would stray my mind from my situation, and it did, at least for a little bit. And those were five of the happiest minutes of my life.

My phone buzzed with a text from James informing me that he just got back and was on his way up. A minute later, there was a knock on my door.

“Miss me?” he asked, pulling me in for a hug.

“Of course!” I said, putting on fake enthusiasm. 

“You look tired, have trouble sleeping last night?”

“Just up working on homework,” I lied.

“Well if you got most of it done that means we can spend the day together!” he said, the stubble on his chin stretching as he grinned.

“What do you have in mind?” I asked playfully. I really did adore his smile.

“Dinner tonight?”

“I’d love to,”

***

Why did he have to be so perfect when he wasn’t angry? His khaki pants, button up shirt, and bow-tie he wore for dinner had me swooning all over again. He was a perfect gentleman. He slid my chair out for me, gave the waiter my order for me, and even paid the full charge of the bill.

It was just like when we were first together, two kids just flat out crazy about each other. Neither one of us had a clue what we were doing, but we didn’t need to. We could figure it out together.

This is the James I fell in love with.

We talked about anything and everything, the thought of the bruises on my arms and back not even given a passing glance. Conversation just never seemed to stop, just like it used to. 

The wonderful kisses never seemed to stop, just like they used to.

His hand tracing the rough bone of my spine sent tingles throughout my skin, just like they used to.

But then a text message from a friend asking me about an assignment threw him into an abrupt rage. He hit me, just like he and my father used to. Correction; still do.

It gets harder every time to cover a bloody lip.

Why did such little things have to set him off? Why couldn’t he control his rage? Why does he always have to let it take over?

And why do I always have to be the one to be punished?

And why do I always keep crawling back?

***

“Two AM, where do I begin? Crying off my face again. The silent sound of loneliness, wants to follow me to bed.” I sang the words slowly, my fingers dancing upon the keys.