BITCH PLEASE looked at the ripped face in her hands and felt sneezy. It was a common occurrence, where she would find herself face-planting onto sharp pointy things which just happen to be the faces of the dead.
She walked over to her window and reflected on her shiny surroundings. She had always hated the stupid town of Sleepford with its dripping, defeated dead bodies. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel sleepy.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Dick Smart. Dick was a funny elephant-like man with beautiful fingers and wobbly earlobes.
Bitch gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cute, noble, tonic water drinker with skinny fingers and small pink earlobes. Her friends saw her as a money-making, miniature muppet. Once, she had even brought a gentle potted plant back from the brink of death. That was just the kind of person she was.
But not even a cute person who had once brought a gentle potted plant back from the brink of death was prepared for what Dick had in store today.
The moon shone like a gyrating hippopotamus, making Bitch feel active.
As Bitch stepped outside and Dick came closer, she could see the tricky glint in his eye.
"Look Bitch," growled Dick, with an intuitive glare that reminded Bitch of funny Hedwig the Owl. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want your soul. You owe me 3357 cents."
Bitch looked back, even more active and still fingering the ripped face. "Dick, I ate your puppy," she replied.
They looked at each other with mushy feelings, like two cooperative, confused chimpanzees eating at a very tactless woman's rights petition, which had snazzy funk music playing in the background while two violent uncles rampaged to the beat.
Bitch studied Dick's beautiful fingers and wobbly earlobe. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I declared myself bankrupt," explained Bitch. "You will never get your money."
"No!" objected Dick. "You lie!"
"I do not!" retorted Bitch. "Now get your beautiful fingers out of here before I hit you with this ripped face."
Dick looked horrified, his wallet deflated like a uninhabited, ugly unicorn.
Bitch could legitimately hear Dick's wallet shatter into 3357 pieces. Then the funny elephant-like man hurried away into the distance as a tear trickled down his gyrating face.
Not even 69 drinks of tonic water would calm Bitch's nerves tonight. Only the ripped head would bring her solace.
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YOU ARE READING
The Moon that Shone like a Gyrating Hippopotamus
HumorA collaboration between @evethespy and @pathways_end ----- "Because sometimes only the reflection of the moon has the ability to reveal your true colours."
