Jet Black Heart (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 23

Niall's POV

The next morning my dad came and picked me up to spend Christmas Eve with him. Honestly, I felt like I was going to spend a little longer than just one day. We were both quiet on the drive other than the traditional Merry Christmas when I got in the car. I was just really tired because I didn't sleep last night and I just really wanted to be alone. Well, not completely alone, just alone enough to where I know my dad is there if I need him.

I walked into my dad's small house and went straight to my bedroom I had here. After I laid down, my thumb went in my mouth and my eyes closed. My dad came in a few minutes later and took off my shoes for me. He also covered me with a blanket and kissed my temple. He didn't know about my thumb sucking habit, but he didn't question it thankfully.

"You're the best son any parent could ever ask for. Get some sleep and we can do our Christmas stuff in a bit." My dad whispered to me. I nodded and let my eyes slip shut once again.

As I dreamt, I felt like I was watching myself getting tormented. It was like I was in someone else's point of view watching myself. It started off with the first time it happened. I saw how my ten year old self was so scared and so confused, yet so trusting to thinking that it was right to stay silent just because I got two lollipops. Then I saw my eleven year old self still thinking it was normal, yet I did wonder if Zayn ever experienced that. My twelve year old self started wondering who I was even going through that. I wondered what my identity was as a person. At thirteen I saw myself begin to fight back. That's when restraints were brought in and threats were made. At fourteen I felt digested in myself because I reacted to it on accident. Fifteen year old me just stared at the wall with Zayn's art and wondered what a life outside of the world I lived it would be like. Age sixteen was a dark time that I questioned if I should end it and end it. Seventeen year old me was the same person I am now. Unfortunately, that person feels every time on his skin so matter how many showers are taken. That's me now and that was the scariest part of the whole dream. The part where I felt everything.

I was started awake and rubbed my eyes to try and clear those visions. I looked at the clock and saw it was only elven in the morning. Just when I was about to roll over to get out of bed, I felt there was a wet spot surrounding me. Quickly, I removed the blankets to see my gray sweats were soaked around my crotch and the hem of my shirt was too.

"Daddy!" I cried as tears welled up in my eyes and my bottom lip begin to shake. My dad came running into my room not even a second after I called for him. He looked at me then saw what I was nearly crying about. He gave me a sad smile and walked over to help me out of bed. I ended up sobbing because I hated when this happened and I was also mad because it hadn't happened in a while. I didn't understand why, but it did and now my dad has to clean it up.

"Accidents happen, Niall. You're alright." My dad whispered to me. I shook my head because I wasn't going to be alright. In the end, he picked me up and carried me down the hall to the bathroom. I was set down on the closed toilet and he begin helping me out of my clothes. For a brief moment, his eyes darted down to my chest where Zayn really had fun, but I saw he didn't care about that as much as he cared about the fact his eighteen year old son just wet the bed.

My dad got me in a hot bath, then left to go clean up the blankets and stuff. I was still crying into my hands as I sat in the water. I heard the washing machine start then my dad came back into the bathroom. He kneeled next to the tub and tried to wipe my tears for me. This was how it has been for us both for eight years. He's the only man I trust to see me naked or to touch me. He's been doing this for so long that I'm sure when he kneels next to the tub to tell me everything will be okay, it's like deja vu.

"I'm sorry for messing the bed, daddy." I cried to him. He sighed and cupped some water in his hands to dump over my back.

"I don't care about that, Niall. You should know this by now. Just... How did it happen? Were you dreaming or could you just not hold it anymore? Talk to me, please." He begged me. I looked at him and suddenly remembered the conversation I had with Liam at the park that one day. I thought over it, but knew I couldn't do it right now. I needed one more person with me just incase he wouldn't believe me.