My Suicidal Thoughts

chapter 2

"Alie, Allie please wake up."

I tried moving but nothing would not happen no matter how hard I try.

I tried harder and harder until I felt my fingers move.

" Allie if u can hear me then please try to wake up or at least try to move your fingers again."

This voice said theses words with hope and was waiting for reassurance.

I then tried as hard as I possibly can and then my eyes fluttered open, to see my best friend looking down at me with a broad smile on her face and this is my best friend.

I thought I was going to lose you because you wouldn't move and you were unconcious for very long. Ohhh and what the hell were you thinking ?? I thought I you told me that you would stop cutting yourself ..........."

I eventually got fustrated and blanked out but then I got so sick of it that I stopped her before she kill me with her quarrelling.

" Sophie. Stop ok. I told you I would try to stop cutting myself not that I will stop. "

I told her in a heavy breath.

I let out a fustrated sigh and started to talk again.

" Look Soph, ( A/N pronounce as soaf) when I go in depression , the cutting helps me so , could you just leave it out and FORGET it OKAY ."

I said snarling the last few words.

She. Looked shocked and very hurt. She stepped back . Soph looked like if she was just hit by a ton of bricks.

This hurt me because I just hurt my own my bestfriend.

" Soph, I'm sorry okay. I didn't mean that and you know I love you to deaf no matter what. Its just that I'm tired, angry and all other types of emotions that I don't lnow who are what to take them out on ."

I said each word and I was on the verge of tears.

When I look up at my bestfriends face. Her face held a look of understanding but a little bit of sadness but as usual soph never had pity in her eyees no matter what the case is.

This is why I love my bestfriendm she is the only one who understands me and accepts me even thogh I am a terrible mess.

Soph walked up to me with her arms open so that I could give her a hug.

When she came closer, we enveloped each other in a big hug like there is no tomorrow.

I felt something wet touch my shoulder. I move my arms from around Soph without being in her comfort anymore.

Soph is there standing trying to hold beack all her tears .

" Awwwwww... Soph don't cry. I'm fine and everythings going to be alright ."

I said all of this to Soph , trying to sooth her with my calming words . Saying them like if I believe them but I don't know if I believe them myself because we both know that if I keep this up , nothings going to be okay .

" No , everything is not going to be okay. You need to stop this Allie. I can't bare to see you go through alll this pain anymore with the cuts and scars. You're hurting and it hutrs me too. "

I could never tell Soph that I am doing all of this for my mothers sake because I don't want her to leave me all alone in this world too. Soph is all I have left now .

I can't afford to lose my bestfriend.

Afterwards we talked more and Soph dropped to sleep on the bed me and up to now my father hasn't come to check on me but seriously. What did I expect ?

A man standing there with open arms?

No

I need to stop this because I am hurting my bestfriend.

Will suicide do ?

No

So what will I do ?

Nothing

No. But I need to find a way out and I'm going to find it .