To your heart's content

Chapter One

~I laughed as Devon, my boyfriend of three and a half years and I walked out of the 'coffee house' which is a bar where people can to performances.

There are a lot of cheerleaders and dramatic girly girls. It's not that I have anything against those types of people it's just my opinion, it's just not the kind of crowd I run with you know? He'd made an excellent impression of the owner of a crabby man in his forties named Michael but everyone was stuck referring to as Mr. A.

I'd much rather go to this new place called 'Pandora's box' that just opened but I never really talked to Devon about it, mostly because I thought he wouldn't like it.

"You were incredible," I complimented. Devon gave me an appreciative look. He was very talented, but we were better when we played together. It gave us more substance. Or at least that's what he tells me. He was sweet like that.

"Aw thanks babe, you were fantastic too." Devon replied

"I'm sorry about missing our date last Friday," he apologized.

"Don't worry about it, you were busy," I said understandingly. Devon was the perfect boyfriend. I slung my guitar case over my back and put on my helmet.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Devon asked. He pulled me onto his motorcycle. He put on his motorcycle and I held onto him. He turned it on and we headed to his house so he could. Out of nowhere a car swerved and it hit us.

My eyes immediately shut tight. My ears picked up the sound of metal slamming against asphalt. I instantly regretted not wearing the other helmet with the shatterproof glass. My head hit the ground along with my entire body. I screamed out in agony as a few small shards of glass stabbed my eyes. Then everything went black... permanently. ~

I shot up out of bed but didn't scream at first. That was short lived as began to scream loudly. I stopped screaming just as I realized this terrifying nightmare happened more than a year ago and was just a reoccurring nightmare.

After getting a solid grip of myself I was greeted by the sound of birds chirping. Shoot! I could have sworn I shut the stupid thing. Ugh Maria must've opened them. I rubbed my eyes and got up. I groaned and stood up.

I swept a hand across my shirt. The Three Days Grace t-shirt Devon gave me the night before the accident was a soft comfort from the terrifying nightmare that had I'd stopped having for nearly ten months. I didn't remember changing out of Devon's shirt before dozing off in my favourite beanbag chair, so I must still be wearing it.

My mind immediately came to random thoughts of Devon. My mind began to play the 'what if game.' You know the ones. Those hypothetical situations, playing through your head like internet advertisements on repeat. Persistent scenarios began to swirl and swim in my head like swampy water. Then against my own will my mind leaped to the 'what if' game.

What if the other driver hadn't been drinking? What if Devon didn't decide to take me out that night? What if I had seen that car coming? What if our song collaboration at the coffee house was just a few seconds longer?

But that's just it about the 'what if game'. You'll never know for sure exactly what it would have been like to live through it no matter how badly we wish things could've been different even if we wish with all our hearts that it could be different.

I've tried it. Wishing upon a star only works in fairy tales and stories for children.

All you can do is hope for the best and expect the worst. And sometimes you get the worst when you least expect it. I just pulled my hair back into a ponytail, pulled on my favourite capris and tied the t-shirt just above my belly button then walked out my bedroom.

The smell of honey and ginger tea with warm toast woke up my senses but I was still wasn't hungry, despite last Monday being the last time I ate. Honestly I wasn't all that hungry anyway. But I have to eat eventually.

"Phoenix you're awake!" Maria, my stepmother greeted cheerily. Oh lord help us all Maria's awake. I gave her a look to best display my annoyance as clearly as possible.

"Oh don't be such a Debbie downer. Summer's here time for the beach and bike riding!" she remarked. She wasn't just a morning person.

She was a day and night person. Some people think her laughter is contagious. Thankfully I'm up to date on all my vaccinations; hopefully that includes a vaccination against mega elation.

I did my best to ignore the beach part; I've never been a fan of it but bike riding? Hello can't see? Ugh. But I just bit my tongue and plastered my best poker face on.

"Whatever." I mumbled annoyed, slinging my guitar case over my shoulder. Her career as a journalist seemed to have an effect on her parenting skills. Not that she was bad; I mean you couldn't call child services on her. She wasn't really the 'wicked stepmother' stereotype but god was she ever annoying.

"Phoenix you can't seriously be leaving now." She mock whined in a voice that might remind you of Barbie. I sighed in pure exasperation.

Why did she feel the need to bug me? Did I do something wrong to someone in a previous lifeI did absolutely nothing but tolerate her the last seven years.

Even after my father left me with her after he died. What else could she possibly want? And talking to her is seriously hurting my brain.

"It's a free country." I muttered. She sighed I could hear her shuffle around the kitchen flipping pancakes or vomiting rainbows or whatever else extremely cheerful people like her do in the mornings.