How She Feels

Chapter Six

It's Friday.

The Friday. The day that I'll be doing Caspar and Joe's video. I can't help but smile at the thought of doing a video with Jo- doing a video with the boys. Now they will have to do something amazing to beat Oli and I's dare video. The video has a lot of positive feed back, well that's what I heard. I only watched the video two times and only saw all the thumbs up. It's crazy how fast Oli's people have found me since the video. They found all my social medias and some of them have even tried to follow me on Instagram; but I am on private  since I've known Oli. I didn't want to be apart of that type of drama.

Today I get to leave work early since I am 'sick'. As I leave to Jaspar's I decide to try to get a hold of Alex again. Nothing. All I get is ringing, so I leave a voice mail. "Hey. I haven't heard from you in a while. Just wanted to know how Essex is. Miss you lots! I have so much to tell you! Anyway, call or text me back please." After I leave Alex the voice message I get an Uber to take me to Jaspar's house the rest of the way. As the Uber driver talks to me all I can think about is all the negative outcomes of these two videos. I could be outcasted by the fans. I could get death threats from them and they actually go through with it. The thoughts begin to race a thousand miles per hour as I try to keep the conversation between the Uber driver and I not awkward. I fail, horribly. Thankfully Caspar and Joe's place comes into view. I say my thank you and all, then head in. I knock on their door and I  can hear Caspar come to the door.

"I'm comin'!" Caspar's voice booms from inside

I adjust my backpack on my shoulder my anxiety comes over my body.

Caspar opens the door with a huge smile, "Hey Mia! Joe! Mia is here!"

I walk in to their place and place my bag onto the chair next to the table, "So what torture do you have planned for me?" I smile at Caspar, trying to to hide my anxiety.

Caspar runs his fingers through his hair, "Oh so much. I am so excited."

Before I can say something back Joe comes up from the stairs, "You ready Mia?"

"Oh! I'll get the bags!" Caspar heads to the kitchen and rummages through the fridge and cabinets.

"Bags?"I ask in a worried tone, my anxiety begins to heighten. 

Joe reaches his hand out with a smile, "Come on Mia, I have everything set up."

I cautiously take Joe's hand. He leads me down the stairs into his room. All his equipment is all ready. The only thing missing is Joe and I.

Joe lets go of my hand, "Here sit right on the bed. I just need to start recording."

"Alright." I smile and sit on his bed.

Joe fiddles with his camera for a second then sits down next to me, and looks at me. "It's nice to be sitting next to someone smaller than me." Joe lets out a snicker

I let out an exasperated sigh, "I am literally a couple of centimeters shorter than you, Joseph Sugg."I can feel my once heightened anxiety lighten on my shoulders.

Joe just gives me a big smile while shutting his eyes. He then turns back to the camera and begins his intro, then introducing me to the camera right after.

"Alright, are you ready Mia?" Joe asks me

"Ready." I smile as I begin to feel a little calmer.

"So.." Joe reaches over to his side of the bed and brings up a big paper bag.

I immediately put my hands over my face, "Shit." I whisper, then put my hands back on my lap.

Joe continues, "We will be playing 'Whats in my mouth' challenge." Caspar then comes into the room and places another paper bag on my side of the bed.
"I told you." Caspar whispers to me.

Joe pats his bag with his free hand and shows the camera the best evil smile he could conger up. He then proceeds to put the bag on the ground in front of him.
Joe then takes out his scarf from the paper bag and shows me it, "You first." while giving me a charming smile.

I raise my eyebrow in disapproval, "I believe you go first. Since you are the tallest out the both of us." I snicker at my not-so-witty comeback.

The video went by fast, and so did the time. Joe did his outro and I did it with him as the video would go up on Sunday, by the end of it  all my anxiety was gone.
"That whole video's audio could be used for innuendo bingo." I giggle as Joe gets up and turns off his camera.

"Maybe that should be our next video!" Joe exclaims.

"Whoa there Joseph. Don't get ahead of yourself. I said I'd only do one video." I smile up at him.

He smiles down at me, "I don't know Mia May, you might be less of a Waldo and more of a YouTuber addict." he reaches his hand down at me, I take his offer and he lifts me up from the bed.
"I swear if you do wear some red and white striped things you would look just like Waldo."

I let go of his hand and playfully push his chest a little, "Oh for fucksake Joseph." I then head upstairs, with Joe trailing behind. I hear him laugh as I get my phone out of my bag. I see that Alex has texted me.

It reads: "I'll be back in a couple of days. Essex is alright. Would be better with a boyfriend. If i had one. :P We need to talk!!"
I smile down at my phone. What a dork. I put my phone back into my bag and face my attention to Joe, who is in the kitchen cleaning himself up. I walk to the white couch and sit down by the arm rest with one leg up as if I were to hold it to my chest  and the other leg tucked behind. 

I look toward Joe, "When do you want me to clean up all the stuff downstairs?"

"Eh. It's fine, I'll clean it up later. But first would you like some dinner?" Joe's back faces me.

"I would love to!"

"Sweet. I'll start making dinner." Joe begins to take all he needs for dinner out.

I know it may sound stalkerish but I couldn't help but watch Joe go around the kitchen and be so focused. I felt like I was in a trance that I made myself. I shake my head, forcing myself to look some where else and try to focus on something else as I repeat the same sentence over and over again. I don't like Joe. Joe is just a really good friend.

Caspar left a while ago and said he would be back in twenty minutes with Josh. It has been thirty minutes and Caspar has still not shown up. Joe and I cleaned up after the video challenge in his room and watched a movie. As time kept passing we decided to travel to Joe's room since he had to do some editing and some YouTube work stuff. And me being paranoid as fuck I went with him to his room, mind you I didn't just follow him down to his room like a creep. Joe knows that I am paranoid when I am alone so he invited me to be with him. We were both on his bed. He sat on the left side of the bed and I laid belly flat facing where the camera used to be. The fist couple of minutes we couldn't get anything done, all we did was laugh. But soon the room was filled with music and clicks of both our keyboards. Joe worked on his YouTube stuff while I worked on my work that I had to bring from work, yet I would still occasionally switch gears and write some more of my book.

Hours passed and no Caspar. Joe now sits in the same place but in a different position with his laptop on the bed instead of his lap. I am still belly flat but now I am facing the bed frame while I play on my phone and text Alex.

Alex and I text back and forth about the video I did with Oli and it lead to talking about arms and all types of crazy. I slowly feel my eyes being weighed down. As I wait for Alex to text me back about what mix of German Shepherd would be ugly I lay my head down onto the pillow in front of me.

"Goodnight love." Joe whispers to me as he pats his hand on my back.

Out of my tired mind I speak, "I love you."

Without me noticing of what I just said I slip into deep sleep.