Don't wait for me

chapter 2

It was during school that the incident happened which caused all the following heart ache. The simplest things set others off, it wasn't even my fault, I didn't mean to, I didn't........ What's the use, you're all going to hate me they persuaded me I'm useless, it wasn't hard, I already despised who I was. I just can't bare to picture you're faces of disgust when you find out I'm a piece of worthless shit like they did, you're going to think what they thought, say what they thought, do what they thought, all of it. I'm sorry that I can't live up to the expectations of others, I'm sorry I made the mistake but I'm sure you will be satisfied with my resolution to this immense situation.

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In the library, as usual, reading the same usual book with the same fucking predictable ending of happy ever afters. All I remember is thinking, what happens at the end, when everything's over and it just come to the plain simplicity of you, nothing else, no make-up, no mistakes, just stripped down to your innocence like how we all started till we grew up and started conjuring complications; what happens to us, do we just shrivel and die like an aging leaf like our life suddenly has no meaning and is lost in the infinite cycle of our pointless world. Back then I was always thinking, never doing just thinking but I was always prepared, prepared for what might happen but I was never prepared for this, no one could ever be prepared for this, the true impalement of every single living beings pain moulded into on weapon of destruction targeting my very head and heart, just messing me up. I can't face the fight, I'm not strong enough; I have no weapon against the world except one, defeat.

I was reading this book about love between a Jewish girl and German boy and how they are exiled to live apart in separate worlds, revealing their tragic journeys to find each other once more only to discover they shall forever be condemned apart for all eternity in parallel gates of hell as punishment for disobeying and rebelling their religion. This sparks an uprising and war between two sides of the couple. As this war deteriorates the couple slowly perish and crumble creating piece and harmony between the two different cultures. Happy endings, that's all that ever is. Not mine though, I will never get my happy ending. After finishing my book, I slipped out of the library taking caution of the people around me, creating an illusional bubble around me shielding me from socializing. Ahead of the library, I saw a cluster of rampaging students ruthlessly queuing to get into the building. As I walked over to join the clump, needing to get to maths, I stealthily whipped my way through the crowd or a detention for being late. That was my first action that caused this catastrophe, the flick of the endless line of dominoes.