I Can't

She's not okay

It had been nearly two weeks since yet another tragedy struck the Buckingham family. Since that day, Sara had been staying with her parents, not wanting to do anything or talk to anyone, which included Todd too. He was coming to visit her every day, but he didn't get any answers, no reactions really. So, he would spend some time, laying in bed with her, talking to her, holding her and then he would leave, a disappointed expression on his face every single time. 

That made Stevie think; if Todd was seeing someone else behind Sara's back, why would he be coming over all the time and act so caring and loving towards her. Just for the show? No, everything he did seemed sincere. Yet, the perfume still didn't leave Stevie's mind; that was usually one of the main signs something was up.

Although, at the moment, Stevie was way more concerned about her daughter, than her daughter's fiance. Remembering herself, over twenty years ago, Stevie was absolutely devastated when she learned she had miscarried, but, maybe strangely, she hadn't fallen into such deep depression. She mostly cried for a few days and she kept asking herself, what did she do wrong, what caused it to happen, but she was nothing compared to Sara. Stevie barely got her to eat or sleep, or shower for that matter, she didn't talk, she didn't even cry, not that anyone saw her do it. She was there, but she wasn't and it scared everyone greatly. 

Lindsey saw how affected Stevie was by the whole situation and he couldn't really do anything to help her, nor his daughter. This was supposed to be a joyous time, the anxious and excited waiting for a new family member and none of them could enjoy it.

Leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, Lindsey watched Stevie, as she was keeping herself busy, making dinner. It was Friday and neither of the twins were home; Daryl out with his friends, Anna at a sleepover. Lindsey wondered why there was so much going on, but then it occurred to him that Stevie simply wanted to have something to do, so she couldn't let herself think.

Walking up from behind, Lindsey carefully not to startle, placed his hands on Stevie's four month pregnant belly, kissing her hair, but he didn't really get any reaction. Freeing her hands, he took them in his and spun her around.

"Steph, you can't continue on like this, it's not healthy."

"What would you like I would rather do?"

"I don't know, but certainly not... not this. I know what happened to Sara is just horrible and we're all sad for her, but come on... We're having a baby. You were so excited and now you barely mention anything about it."

"It can't be any different now, Lindsey. How do you think it would make her feel if she knew, if she was reminded of what she lost every time she sees me?"

"I don't think it's fair." He said honestly. "Don't think I feel no sympathy for Sara, because I do, we've been in her position, but the fact you won't let me touch you or even look at you, that's just crazy!"

"Keep your voice down." Stevie pulled her hands away and returned to making salad. 

"She's not a kid anymore for God's sake!"

"Lindsey." She warned, but it didn't matter to him.

"She won't be able to be like this for the rest of her life. There will come a point when Sara has to move on, however painful it might be."

"And I know she will, but I'm not going to flaunt it in front of her. I'm not."

"This is insane." Lindsey shook his head, sitting down at the table. 

They spent a moment in silence, but Lindsey couldn't stay calm. He approached her again, turning her around once more. Reaching for the hem of the loose sweater she was wearing, he lifted it up, exposing her rounding belly. He got down on his knees, pressing kisses to her skin, stroking it with his palms, before looking up.

"It's hard, yes. No question about it, but we, no matter what, we can't neglect the life that's growing inside you."

His words brought tears to her eyes, as Stevie ran her fingers through his hair, then motioned for him to stand up, raising up on her tiptoes to kiss him. But their intimate embrace didn't last for long...

"You're pregnant." They looked at Sara, who stood frozen, having witnessed enough. 

"Honey, I-"

"What? What are you about to say to me, Mom?"

"I didn't mean for you to find out this way..."

"Were you going to try and hide the fact for as long as you've got left?"

"I just-"

"Don't." She said sharply. "I'm not as fragile as you think. You don't have to baby me. I can take it, you know. I'm not that weak."

"Sara, I know that, but I didn't want to make it harder for you, after what happened."

"After what happened? You can't even say it. Yes, I've been locked up in my room for two weeks, but it's because I've been dealing with losing my baby in my own way. Nobody said you can't be happy about yours."

"Sweetheart..." Stevie couldn't believe what she was hearing, as she went to Sara, reaching for her, but she shook her mother's hand away. "If you're hurting, we're all hurting."

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"Sara, why are you being like this?" She asked, not recognizing her own daughter.

"What, realistic? I miscarried, I cried, I'm moving on."

"Honey-" Lindsey tried to cut in.

"No. Congratulations to you two." Sara said with no real emotion. "I came to tell you that I'm leaving, Todd is coming to take me home soon." With that she turned away and went back upstairs.

Stevie resolved into tears instantly, Lindsey pulling her into his arms. "She's not our daughter. Whoever she is, she's not ours. She's not okay, Lindsey!"

"I know, baby, I know..." He sighed, stroking her hair, still trying to understand what just happened himself.