These Four Walls

specifics, dammit

how to thank you

all of you

but the specifics are

painful

and they feel like

trying to write on my skin

as a child

but the pen had no ink

so i just scraped the nib

back and forth

and called it good

so thank you

thank you all

you are the reason why

i stopped hurting myself

why i started eating again

why i am able to wear short sleeves

the smile on my face is even bigger than before

you taught me how to get up again

even when all i wanted to do

was lay down and give up

you taught me how to make the best

of a bad situation

how to believe in myself again

i love myself a little bit more than

i used to

i can cry freely now

and speak up when i need to be heard

but i can also sit and be quiet

when the time comes

and i wish my arms were long enough

to wrap you all up in my love

and if only i could hug away

your broken pieces

but dammit

those are what make you you

and i find them beautiful

even if you may not

you taught me how to

open myself up again

break down the walls around my heart

i can see the light now

and it's not just an oncoming train

and honestly

i thought i was doing fine

in my old and dark days

but then you all came around

and ruined it

and honestly

i could not thank you more