The Colors of Life (Sequel to The Color of My Skin)

"I'll try if your willing"

Sex. That's all that's been going on. That's all we've been doing. It's unhealthy. Sex to hide the pain. I don't even want to do it sometimes. Jacob forces me. He's been drinking so heavily now that I can't control him.

After every time we have sex he hits me, laughs, then falls asleep.

I can't stand him anymore.

He's not the same.

Ending my life had become a more frequent thought.

But I can't.

I know I have something to do in life but I haven't yet figured it out.

I was alone on my bed when Jacob entered the room.

His eyes were red.

"We're you crying?", I whispered to him.

"No shit Sherlock.", he mumbled.

I put my head down refusing to talk to him.

He climbed on the bed. Suddenly he hugged me.

"I love you.", he whispered in my ear.

I didn't answer him back.

To be honest I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore.

"Bitch I said I fucking loved you.", he semi-yelled.

"Loved Jacob. That's how I'm feeling. I 'loved' you. Past tense. I don't even know who you are anymore and I-

"What the fuck do you mean you loved me?"

"I meant what I said Jacob. Everything that was my world has fallen apart. If only the kids were here-

"What the hell do you mean 'if the kids were here'? You wouldn't be with me if the kids weren't here?", he questioned.

"Damn it Jacob. I was already with you before the kids and I'm with you now. Do you know what you've done to me? You've been drinking obsessively, all we've done is have sex that has no fucking meaning. And on top of all that crap, you hit me when i some how upset you. So don't fucking question me Jacob. I love you but now, I can care less about you."

"Baby please I can change.", he pleaded as he grabbed my butt.

"Jacob, things aren't going to be the same between us anymore. I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Baby. I love you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm having too much emotions right now and I lost my three children. They were my world. And if I lose you then...I-I'll have nothing.", he choked as tears rolled down his cheeks.

He placed his forehead on mine.

"We can even go to a marriage counselor. I'll do anything to make this right baby. Please. I can't lose you. I can't.", he cried.

I listened to his words as they were like silk against my ear. He was willing and maybe he deserved a chance.

He pecked me on the lips. I kissed him back as he ran his fingers through my hair. I did the same as I tugged at his ends.

I broke the kiss.

"I'll try if your wiling.", I said.