Alex. [boyxboy](UNDER RE-WRITING)

Secret (4)

No no no no no. The only thought going through my head was "No". Thomas wasn't gay, he had a girlfriend, what would we do? Nicole grabbed my wrist and dragged me to her room with Thomas. She shoved us both inside, and then, we were alone. The room were dark, but you could see silhouettes of her things. It was neat, she had probably cleaned it before the party. I was startled when I felt his strong hand grab my waist and pulled me towards his body. We were tight together now, I could hear his breath, and feel his warmth against me. 

- D-don't you have a girlfriend? I whispered. Wow, great Alex, way to ruin the mood.

- What she dosen't know, she dosen't need to know. Anyways, I'm just going to mark you, he said. His voice was low, if you could describe a voice as rusty, his voice defiantly was that. He leaned down, and pressed his lips against my neck, sucking my skin in between his teeth. His right hand wandered from my waist, up over my chest to my shoulder, down my arm and grabbed tightly at my forearm. I hissed in pain, from my freshly made cuts. Shit.

Thomas jolted up, and looked me straight in the eye.

- Did I hurt you, what happened? he asked.

- No nothing, I just have a bruise on my forearm, noting more, I lied.

- Let me see, he asked stubbornly.

- No really, it's okay, I just bumped my arm in a table, it's fine! I started to panic.

- No, let me see! He grabbed my arm, and forcefully pushed my sleeve up to my elbow. Thomas turned the lights on, and he was clearly shocked by the state of my arm. It had cuts from the wrist, up to the elbow. The skin was almost completely red from the cuts, it looked sick. But to me, it was satisfying. I deserved it. Because it was all  my fault, what had happened in the past before we moved here. 

- Why do you do this to your self? Thomas woke me up from my thoughts. His face was filled with concern. His hand was resting in my shoulder, gripping lightly.

- I don't want to talk about it... I tried to avoid the subject, but it failed.

- Please tell me, he pleaded.

- I do it because I deserve it, I said, and tried to wiggle out of his grip, but he tightened his grip even more, so I wouldn't escape.

- Why do you deserve it?

- Because if it wasn't for me, he would still be alive!

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I hope I can finish this story and not leave and come back after three years again.