The Cell Phone Swap

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I think this whole writing a letter business is stupid, but I get extra credit in my English class so here I am writing to a fictional guy who has questionable taste in reindeer. Rudolph? Really? I get that he's handy in snowstorms but Rudolph doesn't exactly scream LEADER to me. You need someone confident and strong like Blitzen. His name literally means lightening in German. How could you not want that leading your pack of reindeer??

And while I'm on the topic of reindeer can I ask who names these guys? Because I'll be honest, they need to be fired. Cupid? Prancer? Vixen? They sound more like fairies than flying reindeer. Talon, for example, would be a great name. He would have all the female reindeers swooning at his hooves.

I guess I'm supposed to tell you what I want for Christmas, but if you know me, then you know what that list entails. It's no secret that I'm obsessed with a certain sugary marshmallow so I'm not even going to ask. (Plus, I already know my ma bought a whole store's worth and they are currently gift wrapped in my parents' closet. Not that I was snooping or anything.) So I don't know what to ask for. Well, I could always use some new football gear—cleats, pads, gloves, etc. And a new sound system for my truck would be awesome. I really love to bust out the country music when I'm pulling into my girlfriend's driveway. Drives her brother mad. Lol.

Although now that I think about it I suppose I do have something I want for Christmas. I know you're the Master of Toys (New nickname, perhaps? Just saying.) but do you offer miracles as well because I could really use one this week. I'm going—no slash that—I'm being dragged to a Christmas party at my girlfriend's house and all her relatives are going to be there. And I do mean ALL. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins....you name it and they'll be there. It's the first time I'm meeting them and it's not that I'm nervous or even scared, but—oh who am I kidding? All those eyes watching and judging. I can feel it now.

Worst of all, her brother, Zach, is going to be there and you know that jerk is going to make it hard on me. He'll do whatever he can to trip me up and make her family hate me. I already heard he's been turning Marty, their four-year-old cousin, against me. He says I'm on the naughty list and should get lumps of coal every year. Please. I am the least naughty—yeah, I can't write that with a straight face. We both know the truth. Keeley tells me to let it go, but how can I? My dashing good looks only get me so far with children. Do you think bribes will work? Because I'm not above buying his love.

You're probably wondering why I'm even going, and the truth is I've asked myself the same question, but I always come to one conclusion.

I'm weak, Santa. It's as simple as that.

I can't say no to my girl. When she puts her arms around my neck and looks at me with those brown eyes, I find myself agreeing to the most ridiculous things.

Helping her best friend in a food court turf war? Check.

Dressing up as Fred Flintstone for a Halloween couple contest? Check.

Reading a pirate romance book so she can win a bet? Check.

It's like she has mystical powers over me and I'm helpless to do her bidding. Must be love. Ugh. I'm turning into a sap. My only consolation is she feels the same way. When I pull her into my arms and kiss her, she gets this dazed look and I feel ten feet tall which is probably why I say yes to everything. Ego=Downfall of Man. You can quote me on that.

So Santa, aka Master of Toys, if you can help me make my girl happy by letting her relatives like me that would be greatly appreciated. Consider it your Christmas miracle.

Always,

James Talon Harrington IV

PS. If I get a lump of coal in my stocking I'm going to be pissed.

PSS. I hope this bumps me up to an A, Mrs. Duncan, because I spent way too much time writing this.

PSSS. Please don't tell anyone about me being a sap or loving Keeley. That stays between us, right???

Disclosure: I was commissioned by Coca-Cola to write this "Dear Santa" letter from Talon to help promote their #ShareACoke campaign. Be sure to check out the @Coca-Cola Wattpad page for more letters from your favorite Wattpad characters!