Finding Ashlee

Chapter 1 - Ashlee

Dear Mom and Dad.

I love you and I am so sorry. I want you to know that before I tell you anything else. I know what I did to you was unforgivable. But I'm still asking you to forgive me. Can I tell you what's happened? Will you read this entire letter before you crumple it into a ball and throw it away? I hope you will stay with my story until the end. I have so much to tell you.

With love,

A.

~~~~~~~~~~

I still don't understand how things changed so drastically, so quickly.

Being a farm girl from Ohio, life was simple. Our life was hard and sometimes tedious, but my family was close and loving and I never felt like I needed to do anything different or be anywhere else. When did things start to change for me? I'm not completely sure. But I think it may have been when I saw the mountains of Alaska for the first time. It was on television of course. I had never been further than a hundred miles from home, and that was just to attend the state fair in Columbus. But the majestic beauty and natural rawness of those faraway mountains touched my soul in a way like nothing in Ohio ever had. Before long, going to Alaska was all I could think about and all I could talk about.

"Ashlee, pleeeease!" Was the usual response I would get whenever I would bring up the subject of Alaska.

I thought my best friend would be the one to take my side and be happy that I wanted to experience a new and exciting place. But she didn't feel the call of the mountains the way I did. What she did feel, however, was the call of the tall lanky boy who worked on the neighboring farm.

"I think he's the one, Ashlee." She whispered with a slight giggle as she reached out to hand me my hairbrush. We were hanging out in my room on one of those rare slow days near the beginning of spring. We would soon be busy cleaning out the barns and getting everything ready for the new season of planting. But then, it was just my best friend Brooke and me, talking and laughing, working on new hairstyles, not knowing the dramatic changes that would soon come our way.

"Oh, is he?" I grinned and pulled the brush through my sandy blonde hair. At four foot eleven, I was a head shorter than Brooke, but other than that, we looked so much alike that people often mistook us for sisters.

"Yes. He's tall and thin and smarter than any other guy I've met in this town." She tossed her hair and looked at her smiling reflection in the mirror.

"Well, I like smart." I agreed. "But I like my guys really well built with a lot of muscles."

When I pictured my perfect guy, for some reason he was always wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket, the sleeves straining to contain his massive arms and he had a head full of curly hair and an infectious grin. I had no idea where that image came from, but it had been popping into my head several times a day since I saw the scenes of Alaska on TV. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror too, and without warning, my chest constricted and hot tears flooded my eyes. Brooke's eyes widened as she saw the change in my face and she tossed down her hairbrush and gathered me in her arms.

"What's going on, Ashlee? What's wrong?" She held me tight as my sobs shook my body and the tears flowed from my eyes.

"I'm moving to Alaska!" I wailed and tried to hold on to Brooke but she suddenly pushed me away from her and when I saw the stunned look on her face I cried even harder.

"What are you saying? What do you mean?"

She had no idea I had been quietly making plans to move for weeks. I had contacted a small veterinary clinic in the town of Hoonah and they had offered me a job there taking care of boarded animals. I didn't yet have a place to stay, but it didn't matter. I had my plane reservation and I was leaving for Juneau in two days. The shock of it all hadn't completely hit me yet, but now that I had spilled everything to Brooke, I was starting to feel a little bit of anxiety and a whole lot of fear.

"Your parents are going to freak." Brooke flopped down on my bed as she shook her head, still trying to understand.

"That's why you're not going to tell them." I pointed my finger at her and invoked our secret pact. "Promise to death." There were some promises Brooke and I made to each other that might be broken under certain circumstances. But when we used the words, "promise to death", it meant that we would rather die than break that promise. I waited, teary eyed and shaking for her reply. She dipped her head down and I could see her warring with her emotions. She was losing me and she wouldn't be able to tell anyone why. We had been friends since we were five years old. If I could trust anyone, it would be her.

"I promise to death." Brooke whispered.