Poisoned mind

Chapter five

Im sorry
It's not you
It's me

It's funny how plastic our generation has become. Girls can act so dumb to impress us lads one minute, but if the get in a argument all of a sudden they turn out to be lawyers with degrees from Oxford.

I am a guy.
I live for sports such as rugby.
I can go out for a lads night and have a few pints of some sort of shit.
I take can take random girls out and get a quick shag but I don't feel attraction.
I remember the night clearly, because I lied about how much I drank. When asked I altered the story.
She was asleep.
We weren't.
The way he held me.
I was his
He was mine
We were one
The electricity jumped as our bare skin touched
It was perfect
It was hot
He lowered his gaze
Then-

Beep beep beep beep beep

I clumsily reached out for my alarm clock to find a packet of cigarettes.
Bile filled my stomach.
A sickness rose from deep within

The monster had been in my room. He had been watching me sleep.
Inside was a note

Finally found something like you
A fag

How do you respond to someone like that? Someone your supposed to call dad even if it's for her sake?
Was it really that bad to love someone?
What am I talking about?
Of course it is.
God made men and women for a reason, to have meaningless sex and have children, then die and let them repeat the long cycle.

I grabbed my clothes and locked my door.
Wouldn't want the monster seeing me. Not vulnerable.
As I shoved the thin material over my chest I noticed how much toned my muscles had gotten. Not to be big headed but I was hence. Then my eyes traveled to the art caused by depression and being a fag.
I wasn't right, I wasn't normal.
Once again I fill my lungs and open the door to welcome the judging world.
-
Do you ever feel when you walk past people that they all must be saying bad things or thinking bad things? They are probably minding their own business and are too busy to notice one useless person.
Or so I hoped except he was staring right at me.
He could see my soul
Whatever that was theft of it that is.
I filled my face with a disgusted look and walked off.

I'm sorry
It's not you
It's me
I promise

I would it's just....

I'm not normal