Destiny's Betrayal

The Hell

I was cold when I woke up. My entire body ached because of it but I wished I was just a little bit colder. That way maybe my entire body, maybe even my mind if I'd been lucky, would become numb. That way I wouldn't have to accept that what had happened last night had happened.

Even when I could feel the specific ache, that evidence, it was hard to believe my life could have taken yet another tumble, and one this far down. But I couldn't cry any more. It seemed all my tears had run dry. At this point I almost wasn't surprised though. It wasn't like my trust and my destiny hadn't betrayed me before. This was just next on the list.

I lay still, unable, unwilling to move, at least until movement down the hallway alerted me, startling me into action. I sat up, tangled in the bed sheets, suddenly aware I was still naked only as the door creaked open. I didn't cringe when I saw him, not like I expected. I didn't even move when he smiled as his eyes landed on me, lingering as he crossed the room. I could only remain frozen.

That cold state continued as he sat down beside me, moving to wrap his arms around me in an intimate hug from behind. He pressed a gentle kiss to my neck making me shiver as I stiffened in his arms, and that's when the burning that I'd expected from Hell began.

'Last night was amazing babe,' he murmured against my skin, his hands trailed lower across my body just like they'd done last night, only this time it was softer, I didn't feel it as much. I was officially numb, or my nerve endings had simply burnt away. One of those two, I couldn't be sure.

'I love you so much,' he murmured twisting around when I wouldn't to plant a kiss to my lips that I didn't quite feel. It didn't feel like I could say anything back, my voice as frozen as my soul, but when Phil pulled back to look at me it was clear he expected something from me in return. I didn't recognize my own voice as I replied.

I love you too.

I'd said them before but the words sounded so wrong in my mouth, they sounded so wrong when they filled up the room and they were certainly wrong when Phil's answering smile landed once again on my lips, leaving me shivering in the cold. His touch however, burnt me once again, just like the Hell he had become. This was so very wrong and as he got up to leave again a single tear slid down my cheek. I was surprised it didn't freeze there.

'Get in the shower babe, we're going to be late otherwise,' Phil called from the other room; cheerfully, as if nothing was happening. Absently I nodded, standing up and making my way over to the bathroom as if in a trance, automatically doing what he was commanding me to, no fight left in me. Was I was just going to take it, just like last night?

Last night. The tears fell properly now I was alone, surrounded by the heat and the steam, the water pounding away at me angrily. That water was scorching hot, leaving my skin red and blotchy, but right now I didn't care. I may have been alone but I was far from safe, I could never be safe again, could I? Slowly I forced myself to come to the full realization of what last night meant.

What I'd thought was my saving grace was gone. It had only ever been the set up for something worse. It was more than just the Universe betraying me now, and Phil's betrayal certainly hurt much worse than before. It hurt so badly it was hard to comprehend, could this really be happening, after all the trust and love I'd placed in him, after he'd been so caring towards me, what would have been the point if he was only going to turn around now and do this to me. What even was this?

My thoughts went deeper into denial, refusing to believe it could be true until eventually I wasn't even sure if it had happened the way I'd thought it had at all. Phil seemed just the same as always now, which didn't fit with the theory of betrayal in the first place. There was no inclination that he was even aware anything wrong had happened last night and the more I cried about it and the more I thought about it, the less real it continued to become.