Alone.
In the darkness.
Alone.
Nothing around me.
Quiet.
Nothing makes a sound.
Even if I were to say something, it would be quiet. Because no one would hear me. No one ever hears me.
So I'm quiet.
"Alice." says a voice. From everywhere. From all around me. In the corners. From above. "Alice." I look up from my position. I am in a corner, my legs pulled up, arms around myself, head tucked in. This is where I am. Sometimes I wonder if I'm all there.
I don't really feel all there.
"Alice." again. They say my name. I wonder why? Maybe to make sure I'm here. That I'm all there. Do they really need me to be all here? I've already looked up. I'm looking now. At the window. I see you. All of you. Is something wrong? You're moving and speaking. Gesturing to me. While I'm down here.
Alone.
Quiet.
Very very quiet.
I keep looking. The men. They all stare. They always stare. Always. At me. Why? I'm not sure. Because I'm different? So are they. They're different from what I know. All that I've known. Should I tell them? No... they won't listen. No one ever listens.
I lay my head back down. My forehead resting on my knees. No one says my name this time. No on calls me "Alice."
***
BEEP ZZZZT BEEP
I open my eyes and sit up. The white sheet around me slid off and covered my legs. The alarm rung, loudly and firmly. Echoing through the hallways and my room. I swing my legs over the small railing on my bed and hop off, my feet hitting the floor with a small tap.
I stand quietly in the middle of my room and wait. My arms are dangling by my sides. Silence firmly in my right hand. Silence was my bunny. Her eyes were large round buttons, and her face was sewn into a frown. Poor Silence. She was always sad.
I hear my door unlock and open. A nurse is at the end of it. Every inch of her body is covered. "Number 32?" she asks. I grip Silence tighter. I nod. "Breakfast." I go to the table at the other side and grab my tray and utensils. I place Silence on the tray, her back propped up against the cup at the corner. "Come 32." the nurse tells me. Her voice shows irritation, with a slight bit of fear.
I turn around and pick up my pace, the socks on my feet making me slide. I pass the nurse and she nods at me, closing my door and lightly taking my arm to the cafeteria.
Once we reach the cafeteria, she lets go, and opens the doors for me. I step inside and the doors close loudly behind me. I stand before the doors and look around.
Everyone was silent. They got their food, and then they sat. They sat in silence. No one is to speak. Not yet. Not until He tells us to. And He tells us to when everyone is here. I am last. I am always last.
I turn and shuffle my way to the line. The food nurses look at me and nod at each other, signaling I'm here. A box is taken and opened. They change their gloves and take my plate, careful not to let it touch their skin. The are worried. They are worried that I'll kill them.
From the box they take out fruit. Grapes, a banana, a slice of an orange, a slice of an apple. Soy milk is poured into the cup. Silence is handed to me, and then vegetables come after. They hand me back my tray and I turn. I look around for a seat. They are all taken. There is no table with no one there. I bite my lip. I'm not supposed to sit with others. I'm not supposed to sit with anyone.
"Hey." says a voice. I blink my eyes and look to my left. A boy stands before me. He is tall, very tall. With shaggy dark hair, and steamy grey eyes. He gestures to a table at the far corner. Alone. Secluded. Empty. I nod a thanks and walk towards it, intent to eat alone.
I sit at the table and wait. I forget about the boy, who led me to this table. It doesn't matter who he is. That is why I am here, and not there. That is why I eat here, alone.
I place Silence in my lap, and take my fork. I push my hair behind my ear and stab a vegetable silently. A static noise begins around us. "Speak." and everyone does. Chatter erupts around me. Laughter, snorts. Everyone is friends. Not me. I have no one. It is just I, and silence.
***
"This is Alice." says the doctor. He gestures at me, nodding at the nurses. The nurses take my shirt and pull it off me. I comply, letting the cold of the room hit my bare skin. The men look at me, their eyes going up and down my body critically. I wonder how they see me. I wonder what they think.
"What does she do?" asks one of the men. He is old, and bald. His hands twitch. Maybe he's nervous. The doctor looks at me. "She does nothing. She has no special power, and she isn't quite intelligent." he adds, looking back at the men. They look disappointed, and now they look bored. "But," the doctor says, a smirk on his lips, "her body says otherwise." He flicks his hand at a nurse, and she nods, leaving the room.
"Alice is a killing machine." the doctor begins, moving the men to a strange desk. "Her body is filled with deadly poisons. A touch from her will kill you instantly." he says, his eyes shining. "Her very tears are poisonous. Everything inside of her has poison. We have tried to find the secret, and to see if we can transfer this gift, but no such luck." th doctor says in disappointment. The men look amazed. They look hungry. "Can we see this... poison... work?" asks another man. He is young. He looks ambitious.
The doctor nods, and the nurse from before walks in. A white rabbit in her arms. It looks different from Silence. It looks real. Alive. She holds it before me and waits. The doctor nods, and I am given the rabbit.
He is soft. So soft. And he is warm. I hold him close and let his warmth flow through me. I could feel the beat of his heart speed rapidly in my grasp. And then, it stopped, and his little body went cold. Like mine. He was silent. I was alone.
I let the rabbit drop to the floor. The men all clapped, clearly pleased with something. The doctor smiled, and nodded to the nurses. "Please take 32 back to her room." he said, turning the men away from me. The nurse nodded, handing me back my shirt. I slid it on, allowing the sleeves to completely cover my arms, passing my fingertips.
I slid off the bench and hugged Silence to my chest. I held her as we passed by the various rooms in the hallway. Most of the others were away with other doctors. Some were in their rooms, reading, drawing. It wasn't time for the passing period. Not that it mattered. It would be the same as my room.
The nurse stopped, causing me to bump into her. Sh gasped, her face horrified. She looked at her back and bit her lip, her face flowing with relief when she found that she was covered. I waited. Staring at the door to my room. Willing it to open into a paradise. But it didn't. It opened to reveal a white room with a bed with rails in one corner, and a table in another. There was a mirror on the wall, and at the top above the door was a window. A window where the doctors can watch, and the men can look. Where everyone can see me lie.
Alone.
Always always alone.
