Looks like I'm in love with you -Andley

I'm so sorry, Ashley

Warning: may be triggering. If you ever feel like giving up on life please talk to someone! Stay strong!
The familiar person walked into the light, it was Ashley. I could see that he had been crying, because his eyes were red and his voice was shaking. It made me feel so bad for him, I'm the reason why he cried, I'm such a terrible person. I waited till he was gone and I couldn't hear him anymore, before I walked out of the bush. I've made the only one I loved cry, I feel so awful! I didn't notice that I could barely breath. I was panicking and it was cold here.

I walked to the only place I can go, even if I'll be beaten up, but I deserve it. I can't stand seeing Ash right now, I just can't see what I've done to him. He's too good for me, he deserves someone who's way better than me. I'll never be good enough to have someone like him.
Thank god dad's car wasn't in the parking lot. I opened the door and went to my room, the room was empty. No bed,no closet, absolutely nothing, all my stuff were gone. He probably threw all my stuff in pure happiness, because I was finally gone. I walked over to the bathroom to see if he had thrown my stuff, and just as I thought, he had... Who would believe that a father could hate his son that much?

I have no one. I've hurt everyone I've ever loved, I'm such a worthless piece of shit. How can anyone like someone like me? I'm pretty sure Ashley only wanted to show me sympathy, he never loved me. He just wanted to make me feel better, then make me feel worse than ever! "Ashley really loves you. he think you are perfect" a voice in my head said.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm so ugly, he definitely didn't love me, how could he? I'm the ugliest person on the whole planet. My skin is too pale, my hair is too long, I'm too fat. I broke down in tears and looked away. I couldn't look at my ugly self anymore. I walked out of the room and over to my dad's toolbox. I found a rope and walked over to my room, then I tied the rope into a knot. I breathed heavily when I tied the other end of the rope where the fan in the sailing had been. I found a chair, placed it under the rope. Then I went to find a pen and paper, and started writing.

Dear the one who's reading this note.

I'm hopefully in Heaven now, if Heaven even wants me. I don't deserve to be in Heaven because I've hurt the one I love. I'm a selfish, ugly, worthless, faggot, failure of a human being. The bullies get what they want, me being dead. I'm sorry for not being good enough and being a waste of space, but now the problems are gone.
If the person who's reading this is Ashley.
I'm so sorry for hurting you. You are the most perfect man in the whole world, and you made me feel so alive. I don't deserve someone like you. I'm so sorry for waisting your time. You don't need to remember me, but I want you to know that I love you more than you'll ever know. Even if you don't feel the same. Have a good life and be happy, because you deserve it more than anyone.
I'm sorry...

I placed the note in my pocket and climbed on top of the chair. I took a deep breath before taking the rope around my neck. I closed my eyes and stepped a little forward with one of my feet. I had tears in my eyes when I said for the last time

"I'm so sorry, Ashley" then I pushed my body away from the chair. I couldn't breath, obviously, then everything went black.

*****

I woke up gasping for air. I was laying on the floor in my bedroom. I'm so confused! Who saved me? Did I even fail killing myself? It was light outside and the sun was shining. I could hear my dad's shitty car door close with a slam outside. Why did he save me? I stood up and went over to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair was messy and I hand bags under my eyes. My neck was red and purple. This is gonna be hard to hide, I thought while hiding my neck with my hair. I looked at the clock, it was 15 minutes until the school starts. I walked out of the house, without eating breakfast and went to school.

Of corse Nathan and his gang saw my neck while beating me up and telling me how much of a failure I am. I've been avoiding Ashely the whole day and every time I saw I'm in the halls, I was hiding behind the other students.

I was on my way to my locker when someone dragged me into one of the classrooms. I couldn't see who it was until I was embraced with a tight hug by no one else than Ashley, himself.
"Don't you dare to run away from me like that ever again. I love you so, so much, Andy" he cried into my shoulder. After a while he pulled away and I noticed he had a note in his hand. My eyes widened when I realized that it was my note. I looked down at the floor while hiding my neck with hair and pushed my tee further up. He was quiet, it was scary. When I looked up at him again he was shaking. The paper was shaking so bad that it made a lot of sound.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, my voice breaking.