You Might Fly

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"Just jump, you might fly." I heard my dad say in the back of my mind. I stood at the top of the cliff, looking below at the dark ocean. My jean shorts were old and torn and my shirt slid down my shoulder. Taking off my black converses I breathed in. My boyfriend and his friends along with mine were far back at a party in the middle of the woods. I was an hour away from the party and two hours away from home. Ever since my dad died I've been having nightmares, and voices in my head. Every night I have been seeing a man, I'm not sure if I'm just imaging or if he's actually there since he always disappears. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I was sick of having this regret, that I was the one who killed my father. I should deserve to die also. I heard my name in the distance. I took out a piece of paper from my pocket and took a small pen I had on my keychain. I opened the pen and wrote 'sorry' on the top of the paper. Folding it up I wrote on the top, 'Daniel, friends, and family.' Daniel is my boyfriend, but for now I can't think of how hurt they will be. Again I heard my name, I whispered sorry, and saw Daniel. I saw him start jogging towards me but it was too late I fell backwards tumbling through the air and smacking the water. "Maria!" I heard a scream when I came up for air. I went back down grabbing on a rope sticking out of a rock. I felt a splash and heard Daniel saying faintly, "help me guys! I can't find Maria!" After he said that I heard multiple splashes. The water was dark, there was no chance of him finding me. I felt myself dying, losing air, losing grip. I felt the last air bubble fly out of my mouth. I laid in the water, my eyes closed, my hair above me. Suddenly I felt someone grab my waist and my body hit shore. I faintly could hear a mans voice. "Maria, try Harder." My body coughed up water and I could breathe again. I sat up my eyes going in and out trying to keep myself up I stood up and fell back down. "You can do better, fly!" I stood up grabbing onto trees holding myself up. I climbed up the wall to the cliff again. The man I had been seeing was giving me instructions how to fly. "You start from the back, then run as fast as you can and jump with your arms out to the side." I looked at him still not really sure what he said. "Maria, your not dead." Those words stood out. I saw Daniel in the distance and he saw me. "Do it." He was running towards me. "Do it." The mans voice echoed in my ears. "Do it." Those words bounced around my brain. "Maria. What the hell were you thinking!?" I felt my body be held together by Daniel. "I wanted to die." He let go. "Why?" His face was concerned. "I killed my father." He shook his head. "No, baby, you were driving, lost control, and hit a tree." I shrugged. "All me fault." He pulled my hair away from my face. "Babe, no." I turned around seeing the man. "Do it." I heard the whisper surround me. "I can't." I yelled. "Yes you can!" I looked at Daniel, "did the water get to you." I looked blankly at him. "I gotta do it." He shook his head. "Baby, ill take you home." I shook my head. He held my waist so I started screaming bloody murder. "Stop!!" I screamed more and more.

I opened my eyes staring around the hospital room. Looking at the top of the ceiling I saw the dull gray lights crying and the dirty tiles saying they needed to be cleaned. The room was silent, no noises, nothing. I turned over looking at the clock, it read, midnight in all capital letters. The bright clock shown brightly in my eyes. I closed my eyes trying to think about the flash back dream. Me and Daniel broke up after he found out I was going to a mental institute hospital for a month or two. I guess he couldn't handle the fact that me, his girlfriend, well now ex-girlfriend, was going to a fucked up place for being suicidal and being able to talk to a man who "didn't exist". I am screwed up, yes a very screwed up girl. My mom comes in once a week even though she's aloud to come in every day. She just doesn't know how to handle my problem, anyways thats what I tell myself. I pulled the covers over my head and pretended like i was perfect and that my mother or friends still liked me, even though no one did. i wanted to die more then ever. not only because i killed my father but because i have no one but these damn nurses who will put me in more critical condition if i tell them whats going through my mind. Everyone said being a teenager is hard but i didnt think it would be this hard. this is not the life i asked for, god whyd you give me such a fucked up life?

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