s o m n i p h o b i a

chapter 6

Oh, in the strangest dreams, walking by your side, it is the hole that you impose upon your life.

Four o'clock came and went, a fleeting moment if Jungkook was being honest with himself, and Taehyung was no where to be seen.

Oh, you go to sleep on your own, and wake each day with your thoughts, and it scares you, being alone.

But Jungkook wasn't willing to give up just yet. He was going to wait, because he was almost certain that Taehyung was going to arrive at the park.

Bird fluttered about, children were playing on the old, rusting playground, and people were rushing back and forth, either to return home or to go to work.

Then five o'clock passed, and then six, and as time neared seven o'clock, Jungkook was beginning to feel a bit skeptical. The sky began to darken, and as stars filled the sky, Jungkook realized that Taehyung was probably dead, and it was all his fault.

Jungkook buried his head in his hands, trying to prevent the tears from falling. He had just been so ready to confess to Taehyung, and the fact that he had called him at the worse time possible, annoyed Jungkook quite a bit.

Jungkook let out a dry sob, his eyes now closed. He had the chance to save Taehyung, and because of his selfishness, he didn't take it.

"You're prettier when you're not crying."

Jungkook's head snapped up at the sound of the voice, relief flooding his system when he saw Taehyung standing in front of him. The street lights illuminated Taehyung's features, making him appear unbelievably tired and sad.

The Taehyung he used to know was gone, and instead a broken vessel was in his place.

"Oh my god. You're alive."

"No thanks to you." Taehyung replied bitterly.

Then all the memories from the night before were fully refreshed in Jungkook's mind.

"I have no reason to be here right now. In fact, I have every right to have you think that I'm dead."

Jungkook nodded, a few tears sliding down his cheeks.

"I deserve it."

Taehyung sat next to Jungkook on the bench, staring straight ahead. Then, he reached down to his jacket sleeves, slowly rolling them up, bandages decorating his entire forearm.

The bandages were completely white, but Jungkook had noticed that it had bled through in a few spots, the red contrasting with the white.

"I did it for you, even though you left me with all the pain."

Jungkook slowly reached out with a shaking hand, stroking the stark white surface.

"I'm supposed to be the one who feels pain, Taehyung. Not you."

Taehyung laughed sarcastically, turning around so that he was completely facing Jungkook.

"This is going to be the first and the last time I say this, you are not the only one in the world who is hurting. Everyone has their demons, and it would completely arrogant to think that you're the only one who has experienced what you're going through."

"I hurt too, Jungkook. I suffer from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts. I'm not scared of heights, I'm scared of leaving the people I love behind."

Atelophobia.

The fear of not being good enough, the fear of imperfection.

"I actually think it's quite ironic, how humans claim to be so courageous and brave, when really fear controls everything we do. Fear is the monster that cannot be defeated."

"Shut up, Taehyung."

Jungkook was still staring in bewilderment at the bandages. How silly it would be to think, that a few pieces of fabric saved Taehyung's life, whereas Jungkook didn't.

They sat in silence, not wishing to make the visit any more unbearable then it had become.

"I love you, Taehyung."

"Stop lying to me."

And then silence filled the space between them. Jungkook wanted to argue, to claim that he really did love Taehyung.

But now he wasn't so sure anymore. Taehyung was broken, as was Jungkook, and two broken people cannot fix each other.

Jungkook, out of all people, knew that.

Broken people will just destroy each other in the end.

And it scares you, being alone.

∆∆∆

(Song - Sleepsong by Bastille)