Nothing Like Us

Chapter 4- The Truth Is Revealed

Isabella's POV:

I could not do this anymore. I can't act like I'm someone I'm not. I had to come out and tell him the truth. 

I woke up in the middle of the night and i texted him letting him know i needed to talk to him and then i got in the shower. i needed to clear my head.

I thought about what I was gonna say..would i just be like oh hey there, i lied to you these past 8 months LOVE ME STILLLL! lol no. I'm not a desperate bitch looking for attention, but i do really think i love this guy. 

After my shower, i dried off and layed down in my bed in my towel and turned on my radio listening to whatever came on still trying to think of what to tell him.

It was 9 o'clock now and i really wanted to see if justin replied, but i cant seem to find my phone anywhere. i checked my dresser, my nightstand, i even took my sheets and blankets off of my bed! where the hell is my phone?! A few moments later, i heard it vibrate and i facepalmed myself. It was in my pillow case. i always put it in my pillowcase because if it's out in the open, my mom will read it. I swear she is so nosy sometimes! 

I unlocked my phone and read the message i had just received from justin. 

This is it. I'm about to tell him who i really am. Do you think he will still love me? i really hope so!

i took a deep breath and clicked the camera button on my phone and then turned on the front camera. WAIT! i dont have on any clothes! i cnat take a picture like this! i sat my phone down and i ran over to my dresser and searched for something to wear. something at least the tiniest bit cute. i put the outfit on and took my hair out of its messy bun and parted it to the sit. i ran my fingers through it a few times before i picked my phone back up. 

I smiled at my phone as i took the picture. i cant believe im actually doing this right now. im finally going to show him who i really am. i clicked the message bubble and i began typing:

TO Justin<3: Hey...goodmorning to you too...um.. you're an amazing guy and i really hope that after you see this message, we can still be friends. If not, i completely understand. but um...I'm not Justin Carr..I'm not even a guy.. My names Isabella..Isabella Ryan. I'm actually 17 and i live in Indiana. I'm a senior and my dream is to go to Purdue University and study Chemistry. I really want to be a Pharmacist one day. I know you probably didn't need to or want to know any of that, but i needed to tell you. you mean a lot to me and i know i've lied to you this entire time, but i can't lie to you anymore. I lieed about who i am appearance wise, but everything else is true. My mom is dying of cancer, my dad loves me, my brother chris is in the military, i have a little sister named sarah, and a big sister named layla. My feelings for you are so strong. Everytime we talk..i get butterflies...you make me crazy. but i love it! I really love you Justin. And i hope you still feel th smae way after seeing the real me.

i finished typing the message as i wiped away a tear that was falling down my cheek. i plopped down on my bed and let out a breath i didn't even know i've been holding. that was hard. a lot harder than i thought it was going to be, but i'm glad its overwith. At least i'm being honest. Yes i know im fat, ugly, a bitch, a slut, a whore. Im every name in the book. Why would someone so amazing like poor pathetic me?

I started crying. i mean real tears. they were streaming out of my eyes. my entire face was covered in tears. 

why can't i be pretty? why doesn't anyone like me?! i don't deserve to live! 

i reached into the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out the Altoids container. I held it in my hands and opened it. i pulled out one of the silver shiny blades and then set the container on the nightstand. i took a deep breath and sat up on my bed.. i pulled down my shorts and started cutting lines of all sizes on my inner thighs. The entire time i was doing this i was crying so hard. it didn't even hurt anymore. I was so used to it.

this is the first time i've cut in 8 months. I haven't cut because of Justin. but right now.. i feel like i'm losing him and it's making me realize how pathetic i really am. i mean come on. i'm in love with a person i've never even met before. i don't even know if he's who he says he is. i highly doubt it. but really. i'm just a little tiny 5'1" 98 pound insecure cheerleader that has no friends. The only reason i'm on the cheer team is because i'm small enough to be a flyer. but i'm quitting now. my life is over.