The Nostalgics

Music; Part Two

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine.

"Goodbye?"

"Goodbye, Jace. Just for a week, I need time and you out of all people know I'm afraid of time."

I stepped off stage and walked out the door. What? I didn't really care that school wasn't even over, I needed school to be over.

I quickly unlocked the door to my house and to my surprise (note the sarcasm), no one was home. I walked into my room and saw a pack of paper and crayons on my desk. My mom left them, I knew it. I don't understand how she thought leaving a pack of paper and crayons for me would ever help the fact that she is never here.

I remember this one morning when I found out Matthew was flirting with some other girl and was crying and depressed for the entire week. Shows how much I love him. Anyway, not the point, but that morning I told her that I just got broken into pieces by a guy and what did she say? Nothing. She just stood there. I wanted the comfort of having a mother, you know? I wanted to be able to talk to her and not lie and be open with her but I just never could. Believe it or not, just because I'm a somewhat-badass does not mean I can't be scared. I'm scared of her. I don't know why, but I am.

I heard the door slam and immediately knew it who is was — Mom.

"Hey Mom! How was work?"

I then heard a bottle pop and knew she was drinking again. I closed my door for safety and decided to watch some Netflix.

Halfway through The Secret Life of the American Teenager, my door swung open rapidly.

"WHY THE HELL ARE THE DISHES NOT WASHED?"

"I thought you did them—"

"DON'T BACK TALK ME"— slap.

"YOU'RE SO FUCKED UP"— slap.

"WORTHLESS GIRL, NO WONDER WHY HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, ITS BECAUSE—," now I'm pissed.

"Don't you dare bring Matthew into this! I know he doesn't love me and I know I'm a bad person and I know that I'm not worth it and I already have a bad enough self-esteem so don't come into MY room telling me that I'll be alone forever," by now I was crying and my breathing had decreased. I pushed her out the door and left her crying in the hallway.

1:30 am

I saw a flash outside my window and looked out, not caring if I looked like shit. It was, to my surprise, Sanchez.

I opened the window and said, "What the hell are you doing here at fucking 1:30 am, Sanchez?"

"Doesn't matter, I need to tell you something..."

"What?," I rubbed my eyes and he smiled.

"Don't give me that creepy smile that you should be giving to your girlfriend, Sanchez."

"Ex-girlfriend..."

My eyes widened as I said, "WHAT??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE MADLY IN LOVE AND WERE GOING TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND ALL THAT MUSHY SHIT!"

He just laughed, that asshole just fucking laughed. He stood there for a second, just staring at me. I haven't until now realized his true beauty; the way his dark brown hair was perfectly gelled but barely show the gel, his beautiful brown eyes twinkled, his perfect curves, the way when he smiles he gets these little wrinkles on his forehead. I noticed every single detail about him and that's when I felt all of this was supposed to happen, you know? The fight with Jace then my mom and then him, it was all supposed to happen, like it meant something huge. He climbed up the tree outside the window and he hoped in through my window.

This is a moment to remember. I moment worth taking a picture from a poloroid camera or something. But then I remembered something I taught myself a long time ago:

It was my 8th grade luau dance and I went with some guy named Jackson and we didn't really talk much or anything. But it somehow was a night to remember. I just talked and danced with all the people I was growing up with and it was like for once I felt like I belonged there. I took this picture with my friends and everything was fine and fun. But when I got home, Matthew had called me to tell me what an amazing time he had with Amber and I cried my eyes out. I wanted to be her, I wanted to be with him and hang out with his friends and be something he had actually wanted. Not just his bestest friend, I wanted more. So I ripped the picture up and burned the pieces. Why? Because the whole night, although I had some fun, I know I wanted to be with him that night, the whole night and the picture was a picture that made it look like I was having the grandest of times, when I was kind of bummed. I learned photography is a lie. It shows something, but no one every knows the true meaning.

So standing there, my lips inches from his as his hands are tight around the band of my underwear considering I never put any pants on and my hands around his neck, looking him in the eyes, I kissed him. I knew this was wrong because he was supposed to be home and I was supposed to be asleep and Jace would be jealous as shit and everybody and the world would hate this and that maybe we weren't supposed to be doing this and everything is a mistake. But, in that moment it's like we were in this invisible place that's made up where we had finally found each other in an abyss of people in our way, making us go to the left instead of right.

His teeth pulled on my lip ring and his hands moved up to my thousand piercings on my right ear, making him smirk into the kiss. I furrowed my eyebrows and said,"Why are you smirking Sanchez?"

"Well you have like a million piercings and I'm trying to find them all."

"Well if you want to find them all you'd have to remove some of my clothes which isn't happening."

"Why not, babe?"

I walked back making his arms fall to his side.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you just that sexually frustrated to the point where you are so desperate that you come find my house, take some shitty picture, and walk inside my room to kiss me when you know I'm in—" I stopped talking considering I was going to reveal a secret only Jace knows: I love him.

But then he smiled and walked up to me, holding my cheek. My breath hitched as he whispered the 4 heart-quickening words: I love you too.

"W-what?"

"I know you love me Amnesia, and I love you."

I shoved him,"I'm not falling for that again, fucker!"

"Falling for what?"

"For you fucking saying loving me and then you start shutting me out and then get pissed off at me for the longest times and then you sleep with me and fucking disappear. Don't do it again.''

He pulls out his phone and starts playing Sorry by Justin Bieber. I smiled widely and said, "You remember how much I love Justin Bieber."

He laughed. "Yes I do. And I know you'd rather listen to lyrics rather than a written apology. I know you listen to music and write such amazing poems and shit like that because that's how you use your voice, like that amazing song in music! And I know that you hate love movies because it reminds you of what you don't have and I know you only want black notebooks because that's your life, your shitty little life is black. I know every year for your birthday you always wish for these four things; black notebooks, pencils, books and someone to be there for your birthday. I know you love being alone but hate being lonely. I know you have playlist for every feeling you feel because you try speaking up for yourself. I know you try making a difference in people's lives because no one even tried to make a difference in yours. I know I did some fucked up shit to you and I know you may never forgive me. I know that I'm deeply truly sorry. And I know I love you. I know that most of all."