The Nostalgics

Music

         

Amnesia's Point of View

    Music; the class where I can pour my feelings into something I love - well at least to actually get a grade. As I entered the class, I gave a quick nod to the teacher all I could think about was the event that had just happened with Jace. I felt guilty; guilty that I had just led him on. Suddenly, the door swung open and slammed shut. I turned to see what the commotion was about. It was Matthew.

    Throughout the class period instead of feeling guilty about Jace; my only thoughts were about Matthew. What had happened? Did Amber break up with him? Did the football team kick him off? Is he failing a class?

    I decided I would take a seat next to his best friend, Luke, in order to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Bruh what happened?"

"Her. She happened."

I looked away from Luke in order to make sure he didn't think I was listening. I wish he were talking about me. I continued working on my song for the music project that Jace and I - now just me - were supposed to do. I was having trouble considering my mind was racing.

"Remember Amnesia, we all have a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in us and it's okay if you only save one person and it's okay if that person is you."

Why did that pop into my head? Oh because— Jace walked in looking disappointed and that's when it hit me.

All this time, I thought Jace was there out of pity, in reality he was always there because he loved me; because he loves me. I fell for some other guy because I think he's the one when it turns out I have an amazing guy standing right in front of me. It's like choosing between getting a shitty car for 10,000 dollars and getting a fucking Tesla for free. He had finally opened my eyes. Oh and heads up, this isn't one of those cliché stories where the best friend and girl live happily ever after because this is real life, not bullshit Disney stories.

The teacher began to speak but I payed no attention to a single word. I was too busy trying to come up with the song. God damn why did I have to screw everything up? AGAIN??? I'm kinda done with trying to be in relationships of any kind because I screw EVERYTHING up. I'm just done with this whole 'you need to have friends thing because they are so important' because it's like saying no one could be happy without people in their lives. People like being alone; but hate being lonely. That's how it always is because everyone, including me, has given up because someone killed that last piece of hope that stye held onto for so fucking long. Relationships kill people more than they keep them alive. I suggest opening your eyes to that.

The bell rang and I quickly hoped on my board to get to my house. I passed by Jace house as the loneliness of going home alone lingered as the smell of a cigarette would linger in an addict's mouth. Why is he so important to me? Why can't I be that one depressed kid that has no friends and everyone thinks she's weird and stay away in order to 'save themselves'?

I reached my door step, ran inside, went to room, and brought out my keyboard. I rapidly started writing down lyrics as well as play the notes I had written down in order to make sure I had not forgotten on of the most important parts of a song; the music.

A week later, at music class Jace and I were supposed to give the presentation to the whole class. We walked up to the stage nervously and awkwardly as I took the mic.

"I'm Amnesia and this is Jace with our song called "Oh Boy, Oh Girl," enjoy."  I looked at Jace and whispered,"You ready?" He responded quickly, "I hope." The music slowly played as I began to sing.

I'm not going back

I've done something so terrible

I'm terrified to speak, well you expect that from me

And I'm mixed up

Why can't I save myself from this again?

Oh boy, oh boy why didn't you see? All you needed was to open my eyes for me.

Oh girl, oh girl I thought you were too blind for me. How desperately, oh I wanted you to see

Oh boy, oh boy now your clear to me, now your clear to me, now your clear to me

That girl she has messed me up

She broke me to pieces instead of picking me up

She's like my moon, brightening the dark

But now she's got me falling apart

I felt our story come to an end

How did I let her slip away again?

Oh boy, oh boy why didn't you see? All you needed was to open my eyes for me.

Oh girl, oh girl I thought you were too blind for me. How desperately, oh I wanted you to see

Oh boy, oh boy now your clear to me,oh boy, oh boy now your clear to me, and now your clear to me

I'm sorry

I know you're not

Oh I'm sorry that it didn't mean anything

It meant something, oh I know and you can't hold back

I can't hold back

Jace looked into my eyes as he sang the lyrics softly:

Oh girl, oh girl now can you see? You're everything to me. I want you desperately.

I looked away as I sang the last lyric and looked across the room in order to look at Matthew:

Oh boy, oh boy I can see, but you're not the one for me. I'll see you in awhile.

For now, oh boy, we say goodbye.