"It's Okay"

Platic Doll

There's this really overwhelming feeling that things are not alright. I try to ignore it, it doesn't work. I walk around with a smile but there is a frown on the inside. He flaunts me around but it's all show. He's not happy. We're not happy. We walk around with fake smiles, fake laughs, fake happiness. We're like plastic dolls walking around with all these fake things.

He doesn't really want to be with me, I already know this. Why does everyone think that will surprise me? It doesn't. He's been cheating on me since day one. I know this, I don't care. No one can make me care. No one can make me care for him. No one can make him care for me. He's been eyeing this girl for the past week. His new prey. Once he attacks she will no longer be a point of interest. It's a new girl every week. I'm never one of those girls.

I don't really want to be with him. It's not because of him cheating or anything. He's selfish, self-centered, arrogant, snooty, greedy, stupid, and overall a bad person. He never notices when i'm upset or mad or happy. I don't think he's even noticed that i'm depressed. When we first started dating he cared a bit...only a bit. He'd ask now and again how I was feeling but that was only to make sure I didn't know about the trail of sluts he had wrapped around his fingers. Of course when he asked I lied. I knew, I always knew. I never really wanted to be with him. Not even when he asked me out.

I don't believe he wanted to date me at first either. We were both just using each other from the start. He uses me for looks. I'm one of the prettiest girls in this school. My curly black hair, ocean blue eyes and fair skin tone trumps every other girl. I get no acne. My hair is always healthy and shiny. My teeth are white and straight. He uses me for show, so no one suspects he has an ugly girl fetish. He fucks all the crooked teethed girls, all the discolored skin girls, all the acne infested girls. I honestly don't know why he would hide that, they're probably beautiful where it counts, unlike me.

What do I use him for? Popularity, of course. I may be the most beautiful but I'm not that well known. I liked the attention I got from dating him. All the self centered bitches started talking to me, giving me tips on places to go, clothes to wear. I also got attention from guys. Hell he wasn't the only one cheating. I used him a lot, but now, I'm tired of it.

There was this girl I talk to about four months ago. She was like one of girls my boyfriend would date. She was very timid, when she spoke it was like pillows hit your ears. This girl was nice, reminded me of me when I was in middle school. We got along fine, it was like we were friends. I don't think she considered us friends. I was probably just the popular girl that sat with her at lunch, but talked to her no where else. I enjoyed her company so I decided to change that. I called her up one day to hang out. When she came over we talked in my room like normal teenage girls and like normal teenage girls the main topic was boys. I told her about my boyfriend and all the shit he does and all the shit I do to him. She told me that that isn't very healthy and that I should end it with him. That I'd be much happier without him. I told her I didn't care.

Once we were off the topic of my boyfriend and I, we talked about her and her crush. She told me his name and went into great detail about why she liked him. I enjoyed hearing her talk about him. I would've liked it more if I hadn't already fucked him. He was actually the last guy I slept with and I know he slept with plenty of other girls. During the entire speech given by her, I couldn't help but want to confess to her. It burned in my throat, I just wanted to blurt it out. Then I heard that she was actually dating him. She's been dating him for a month... I slept with him a week ago. I felt terrible. She deserved to know right? That's what a good friend would do, right? A few minutes past and I blurted out and I told her about the many girls he slept with. I completely regret it now.. I shouldn't have don't that. She was infuriated with me. She couldn't believe what I had done to her. She didn't even believe he was still cheating on her... She told me all about how I was a terrible person listing everything wrong with me..

She called me a fake ass bitch that no would ever love then she stormed out of my house. I believed her. For the next month or two she ignored me and avoided me. The more she did the more I began to dwell on her words, making me spiral into a depression. I began to notice how horrid my life is and how she was the only thing that was good in it. I'm sorry I sound like I'm rambling, I just want you to know my feelings. I could throw this one out with the rest, but what does it matter? This is a suicide note anyways. By the time you read this I'll be dead. I'm going to jump off this 20 story building... All my plastic things will have shed off and by the time I hit the pavement I'll be nothing but a rag doll with my stuffing and stitches out.

Anyways I would like to say one last thing. Please tell the girl that this is not her fault. I love her. She was everything to me and that I will miss her wherever I go to. I needed to hear those words to know that this world is not meant for plastic doll people like me, but it is meant for beautiful rag dolls like her. To the plastic guy I was dating; fuck you, I never loved you you never loved me, you deserve to be on this pavement with me. And lastly to my family, it would've been nice if you paid attention to me instead of all your luxury items, but I love you guys and I'm sorry for the pain I'm about to cause you.

Finally, as everyone else says: Goodbye cruel world.

A/N: this was inspired by the songs Dollhouse and Sippy cup by Melanie Martinez. This is complete fiction.