Rant Book

Dear you,

I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to forget you. I have a bad habit of continuing to put you first. I know it must be nice knowing you could always come to me when you need to feel loved. Don't think I haven't noticed how I'm used as your thumb to suck when you get lonely. I welcome you with open arms, because I too am so very lonely. I really ought to hate you. But I can't. I fucking hold you so high up in a pedestal. To be quite honest you have my feelings all fucked up. You make me feel pathetic and weak. I guess that's my type right ?

You know what fucking sucks ? I catch myself still smiling when I look at you. I'm still smiling like a damn idiot. You've been my hearts caretaker for so long that I'm afraid of letting anyone else hold It or even get close. You will always be remembered by the hundreds of poems I've written about you. But I will just be that one girl things didn't work out with. I might be a note scribbled on a scrap piece of paper but you will forever be a whole section in my library. If we are being completely honest here. I really thought you were my one. I always did enjoy playing pretend. You would think that after everything I would hate you. Or shit at least dislike you. The stuff you told me left a fucking crater in my heart. If you had Been anyone else I would of just walked away. Damn do I hate you.

You know, you'll never see this. But one thing is, you had me under such spell that I would stand up and have to apologize for it. Now I can't even talk to one of my favorite people without being shot down for apologizing over the stupidest shit, Do you not understand that fucking hurts. I haven't had a healthy relationship with anyone in three years, THREE YEARS. I've been faked or used because I fall for people who remind me of you, because you're heroin and I need my fix. I don't even know how to fall for this perfect person, because I keep acting like he's you, I can't -not. It hurts.